Thursday, October 4, 2007

Cities. Homes. Bullshit.

I thought it'd be nice to wake up listening to Explosions In The Sky. I was right. My morning progressed into a shower which then somehow got me to school. How does the system of events occuring and passing work? I don't even know. English class was pretty boring but luckily the annoying girl that sits in front of me wasn't there. We had a rally at school which means nuitrition was 25 minutes instead of the regular 15. My friend had a very nice thing. I had some. The world came together like the communion of a purple sky. I made my way to class, everything seemed like its own still life yet it was passing so quick. A world on a tredmill. Tranquillity in a erosion. Enough with senseless bullshit. My forensics class was very very good but not academically. Yet, the time came and my feeling was gone and down. The rest of the school day seemed like such a drag. During my time at school, my plans for later in the day fell through. I'm apathetic about it for the most part, but it would've been nice. My two hours spent at my house were empty, a usual phase in my lifetime. Kyle and Melinda came over around 5 and we made a journey to newport to retrieve Kyle's iPod. Just spending time with such amazing people is worth life's bullshit. I came home and started thinking about stuff. I really want to go to Mexico and spend a week there. I just want to connect with my roots to my seed. Plant new ideas in my head. Maybe one day they can be trees. I want to ride a bike around and see the work of the Aztec's in Mexico City, then go down south to see the work of the Mayans. It all seems so beautiful and amazing. Maybe thats my home.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Career Options: 1) Tobacco Co. Executive 2) Abortion Clinic Doctor

Waking up today was no different than other school days. This can be both a good thing and bad thing. On the plus side, nothing bad happens. On the bad side, days just become unnoticable and you fall in a pattern. Today was yet another mininium day at school which affected my off period and made me leave the house earlier. Once at school my thinking was in a different state which made my day pass by. Like words coming out a mouth, gone soon was my day at school. I made my route home to change clothes and hang out with some friends. Laughs and smiles were present and we drove to hunigton and back to the home area. There isn't much to say about today. Well, my mom is at open house and I'm a little nervous about that because I don't want to get in trouble and don't know if I will and for what. Apparently she's upset because my brother and I didn't go with her but we aren't even suppose to. I hope my plans for tomorrow go through.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Rockerfeller Vacation To New Guinea

Damn, I havn't been keeping up the past two or three days. I began sunday morning by posting on this site. My mom then picked me up and I went home. At home I basically just sat around all day and did a project for my history class. Each student in the class was assigned an amendment and had to create a model of something the amendment protects or violates. I was assigned to do the 5th amendment - Due Process of Law. My model is about police brutality which abuses our 5th amendment. Police brutality is an on going problem in our society. It makes me sick because some piece of shit takes the laws into their own hand and puts themselves above another person. Just because you have a badge and high school education doesn't mean you get to beat on who ever. Most of these cases are linked to the racism, another problem that still exist. This was my model
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z135/gruffd00d/copshateme.jpg
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At 8 I moved to my living room to watch the Rock of Love Season Finale. The show was so over the top ridiculous. I know it was a really bad show, I watched it for the pure insanity. Jess won and the stripper lose. How does she feel now since she got "Brett" tattooed on her neck. Class A dumbass. Hahaha. Anyways, Sundays are usually my lazy days. I usually don't do much if at all anything and nothing ever sticks out. WEll this Sunday something stuck out. I started conversing with a cute girl. Thats always nice and I find her to be really interesting and genuine. It'd be nice if she noticed soon that I'm not a douche like most guys. I think a majority of the population, male or female, are shitheads.

Monday soon transitioned into my life. I woke up and to my pleasure did not have a morning class. I decided to take advantage of the situation and smoked a few bowls before going to school. When I arrived at school I was still pretty high and found out I had to take an Algebra II test. I took it, still high, but it was pretty easy which is a good thing. I think I got an A on the test. I'm really trying to do well in school this year, I don't want to have to go through shit because of some stupid ass grades. I'd rather just do my work and avoid that whole mess. My day went on, I made my normal rotation from class to class. There are times wheremy days begin to blend together and I can't tell the difference between them. Welcome to life. I presented my police brutality model that day in history class and got positive feedback and it made the class think, something most people really don't do. I came home and continued my normal weekday afternoon cycle. Once again, nothing really stuck out except for a really good conversation. I hope more of those come my way because they really do make me happy. It'd be sad to be so bitter all the time, I really want to find joy.

I woke up this morning at my usual time. I don't understand time sometimes. In the first place it doesn't exist. Anything can be anytime. I'd like to go by my own time sometime. Then again if I did that I'd be of no use to our society and something would have to be done about me. "It's the way things are". Today was a mininium day at school and the day flowed by pretty well. My classes seem so pointless I don't really remember exactly what I did. But, I do remember that in Psychology we had to discuss animal testing. I said my opinions that oppess the action. Sometimes it feels as if I should just give up on the rest of humanity. Ignorance seems to be a very common trait in many. My classmates used the argument that humans are of "higher value" than animals which I find complete bullshit. Theres no fucking universal rule that says such a thing. If you want to play that game then look at our problems. Who caused global warming? Humans. Who causes every war? Humans. Who created nuclear weapons? Humans. Who kill in the name of false idols? Humans. Who show signs of greed and corruption through the capitalist system? Humans. Higher value, huh? I don't believe humans are evil are bad or born with sin. I think humans are born nuetral and later their enviroment influences their virtues. Such systems like capitalism and organized religion create bad virtues that will have humanity bring itself down. My day went on and up until one point I had something to look forward to but plans fell through. I'm not upset at the person nor blame them, I just look forward to the current plans set. I spent most of my afternoon pretending to do homework. I'm pretty sure I don't have any and thats pretty much a relief. My life seems to be looking up at the moment. I'm really beginning to feel a great amount of nostalgia. I miss being in a band even if mine was shitty. I just want to play shows and have shit together. I'm going to start a grind band up with two(?) friends of mine. In your face. In my way. Fuck you. That type of shit. My brother smoked me out once again today. I've noticed that a lot of my post have something to do with weed. I'm going to stop mentioning it. The fact of whether or not I do it or don't will be oblivious for the most part unless it was a big part of the story of my day. I've been watching a lot of atheist videos lately. I enjoy getting in debates about religion. I find religion to be nothing but a tool to control and something people believe in to feel comfortable and safe. I personally don't care about an individual's belief but people of "faith" always flaunt their beliefs and display their crosses, stars of david and what not that I feel if they act that way they can't tell me anything about how I'm up front about my beliefs. Sometimes I get the "well thats your opinion" thing. Well if you truly believe in something than you wouldn't call it an "opinion" but rather a reality. Its pretty much a sign of weakness if you regard something that you supposedly believe in so much as only an "opinion". I think what I beleive is the truth and reality so I am going to present it that way. Nevertheless, I don't hold anyone's value above someone elses' for whatever reason may it be beliefs, values, ect. I can't wait until a specific plan happens. Apparently my dog is a gremlin.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Too Busy To Come Down From The Sky

Saturday was one of the coolest moments of my life. I woke up around 10 which was really nice. I proceeded to do chores and my mom came home from the salon. Chores on Saturday are a normal thing to me. I don't mind doing them or complain because I like keeping a nice clean house. Its a good habit to keep for later in life. While I was doing chores I was on the on the computer talking to Kyle about things to do for the day. He came up with the idea to take the metro to Hollywood, an adventure was exactly what I needed. Soon enough I was done with chores, got ready, and got picked up by Kyle. We went to his house to meet up with his girlfriend Melinda. The three of us went to the Del Amo metro station. I guess our train got there so Kyle got into it and as I was going in the door close and the train blew off. Kyle was stuck on train by himself and I had no idea what the fuck just happened. Melinda and I got a hold of him on the phone and established a plan to just wait for him to come back to the station. When the three of us finally got on the train together I was pretty excited to go to Hollywood. We had to off in a stop in Compton and ride a bus to the next one because of ongoing construction. Once we got back on the train route this homeless guy was going around the train and made his move to the front of the cart. With his lispy voice he asked the passengers if he can make a loan for $22,000.71 and he'd pay it back on Saturday. He continued talking and apologized to some passengers he stepped on and said that he couldn't see and while saying this he starts moving his hand to his eyes and takes out a glass eyeball. Only in LA. Just the ride to Hollywood was fun and provided us with time for good conversations.

We got off on Hollywood Blvd. and started walking to the record store so that Kyle can look for some records. On the walk I had to take a piss and asked a restaurants if I can use theirs, they gave me a key and said it was in the up stair section of the small commercial center. I looked for it but didn't find it so I just took my water bottle in the corner and took a piss in front of a dance studio. Our walk set back into game after this and when we got there we all browsed through some cool records. Kyle bought a Chromatics EP and Love In the Fascist Brothel by The Plot To Blow Up The Eiffel Tower. Hunger was present in our bodies so we walked to find an In-N-Out which was a failed mission. I'm glad we walked though, it provided us with the feel for adventure and thats great. We went back to Hollywood Blvd. and passed some interesting stores until we made it to a Pizzeria. The pizza was delicious and filling.

Soon enough we made our way back to the metro towards Long Beach. The whole trip was such a wonderful experience. Despite the good times strolling through the cities just strengthened my view on the unbalanced division of wealth. Once back in Long Beach Melinda had to go home because of her curfew even though shes 18. Kyle heard of a "party" that was going on at his friend's house. We rolled there just to find a small circle of people. It was bumping at all. We left after a while and dropped our friend. At Kyle's house the two of us rolled a blunt and went out to smoke it. Uplifting sensations went through my head. I spent the night at Kyle's, where I am right now. Looking back, Saturday was the perfect day. I'll post pictures when I get them.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Edge 4 Lyf3

I woke up almost 19 hours ago just to follow my regular routine. The relief that it was finally friday was enough motivation to go through the first part of my day. School didn't seem so bad today, it went by pretty fast which was nice. After my first period class, I bought a dub from my friend which turned out to be a really good deal and has me set for the weekend. I was a little hesitant to go around school possessing the sack even though I've done it many many times. In my next class the school annoucments went on and there was one regarding a "Ronald Reagan - Republican Club". Upon hearing it I questioned who were the ignorant pieces of shit in charge of that. I wrote down the day and room of the club so that my friends and I can pay a visit. After we go to that club I'm going to start a Socialist Club. Soon enough is was lunch and I made it out to the quad to find that KISS FM was at my school. It made me feel so fucking sick. The whole school was around the stage as if it was the most important thing ever to hit the earth. People just fucking get to me at times and this was one of those times. I don't even like talking about the rest of the day because it was so pointless.

My night was really good. I went over to a friend's where we smoked some weed and I got pretty high, something I always enjoy. I don't really have much to say. I had a good time and I am not listening to music. I still feel alone and which I could just meet someone. Maybe they don't exist and I'm just a fool. Fuck.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

The Moon Is Our Anthem

There times that I lay in my bed dreaming and all of a sudden this alarm starts going off in my dream. I am to the point where the process of the alarm is a part of the composition of my brain and I wake up next to my alarm clock about to turn it off. Today followed that routine. I spent my morning on the computer before getting ready for school. I didn't have a morning class today and my mom drove me to school which was really nice because when I don't have morning classes I have to take the bus. My mom and I spent the ride to school debating certain issues and events. I kind of think my mom is ignorant when it comes to these things. She makes sure to put her politics right in the center and many times gives me bullshit responses. We were debating the president of Iran's visit. I don't view it as a bad thing at all and don't see what would be so bad about him going to ground zero. Iran had nothing to do with the attacks and he's a head of state which means he wouldn't blow himself up or carry a terrorist act himself. I find it ironic that our government is so hostile towards Iran. 1) We always talk about democracy in Iraq and what not, yet we denounce Iran which is the only middle eastern democracy (besides Israel). The people of Iran chose him as their leader. The United States should change its goal of "Spreading And Supporting Democracy" to "Spreading And Supporting Democracy (as long as the country is our bitch)". 2) How can you tell a country that they can't have nuclear weapons when you hold the biggest stock of nuclear weapons in the world? I'm not justifying Iran's desire for nuclear weapons, I believe no one should have nuclear weapons. We should disarm ours to set an example. Of course they're going to get nukes when we have them and they feel threatened.

My day at school was short because of a mini-day schedule which was really nice. Algebra II is always the same bullshit. I don't understand the necessity of the class. I'm sure I won't have a career in math and I'm never going to want to figure out functions while grocery shopping. The memoir I did was due today in creative writing. We had to get in groups of four so that our classmates can review of piece of writings and write feedback. Initially I was a little bothered by this and I hoped I wouldn't be stuck in a group of douches. The group I was assigned luckily contained no douche bags. I just wouldn't feel comfortable with one of the average wilson kids reading it because I know they wouldn't "get it" and I didn't want to have to put up with their bullshit. I got mostly positive feedback but my friend Stan told me to cut down the middle which I'll try doing. In history class we had to do a group poster project and present it. My group was assigned "the market revolution" which was the beginning of the abuse on the workers in this country. I had a lot of control over the project and made sure that my views were made through out the poster and presentation. When it was time to present one group did a poster on "The Mexican American War" and talked about how it was good that we took all the terrority we did because it created unity. I immediatly rose my hand and attested that as bullshit. The war was an act of Imperialism on the part of The United States. Our government robbed the rich land from Mexico and kicked off all the Mexicans from their land. If you look at why Mexico is so bad you can trace some of the roots to this. The abuse of the latinos took place there and still takes place today and thats a fucking tragedy. The companies of the First World come into Latin American countries and rob the people of their resources, make them work on their knees, take away their land, destroy their way of life, and corrupt their governments. Then when the people try to escape and make a better life we close the doors. The United States controls their destiny and our goverment has chosen them to remain in chains of oppression. And when a leader of the people such as Hugo Chavez rises up in defense of the people of Latin America, our government does not allow it. But I see a beautiful thing coming up. I believe with Hugo Chavez, Latin America will finally rise up against its oppressor The United States and other First World countries. You see the theory found in The Communist Manifesto of the lower class overthrowing the corperations and the rich has evolved from a regional level to a global level. The small countries of the world will rise up against the big ones and overthrow them. This world revolution is inevitable and so great.

I took my usual journey on the bus home. Once at home, I noticed that my brother smelled like weed and I asked how much he had. Soon enough we were in the backyard smoking. I managed to get pretty high and made my way inside to listen to music which is always very interesting while high. Around 3:30 Kyle called me and we decided on hanging out. Hanging out with Kyle is always really cool, we can make any situation fun and entertaining. We did this thing at the lakewood mall called "People Watching" which basically is just observing the ridiculousness of the majority of people and making comments about it and at times saying stuff to the people. I came back home around 7:30 and did homework. I guess my mom went to disneyland with another family after dropping me off at school. She came home around 9:30 with In-N-Out for my brother and me. My day has progressed into an ending. I recommend listening to the song "Blaise Bailey Finnegan III" by Godspeed You! Black Emperor. They use this sound clip in it that pairs so beautifully with the music. The clip brings up great points and the music can be felt just as strongly. I saw a cute girl today, she won't read this. I'm pretty much looking forward to tomorrow which is friday and always seems like fun. I'm considering buying a dub which looks is always fun as well. I spend times wondering if I am really awake. There are times when I question if life is a processed fixation of my imagination. Everything moves so quickly but at the same time slow. Traffic, the city, our own lives can all be lost in the sun and there'd never be any way to know where we stand. Do you really exist? Do I really exist? Is existence only a subsitute for an object in a dream? Is there a realm where our uncounscious thouths realm and wonder on their own? I really like my dog and the gestures he makes; I'm sure he knows all the answers.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Life Is A Bucket of Crayons, We Are Missing Color

There are mornings in which I find my eyes open already before I wake. I don't remember going to sleep at night. I just remember zoning out and finally zoning back in. Its like if you were watching a movie and the remote was under the couch so the movie kept on fast-forwarding. Actually, I'm not sure if its like that. I entered this day in the life of Martin as I do most days, with an album in the realm of physical reality and a circle of thoughts in the realm of my mind where anything can happen. Sometimes its as if the two mix, but this wasn't one of those times. I decided to listen to the album "How Lonely Sits The City" by The Acsent of Everest who are quickly becoming one of my favorites. The album is amazing and ends with in such a magestic way. It has the ability to share a relationship with anyone's life. I went through my usual morning routines. Shower, Dress, Eat, Brush, Go. I feel like a zombie doing these things, then again I suppose authority wants to kill any aspect that goes against a systematic drone.

School was the usual, pointless. Well actually, theres this kid who is perhaps the dorkiest kid you can ever meet. I don't even know his real name but my friends and I call him "Beard Guy" because of his rapid ability to grow a beard. He had this huge crush on my friend Karla and we always make jokes about him. I sometimes wonder what he does on his weekends and how sad is it that hes so wrapped up on grades and extra-curricular activites so he can get into the elite college that will get him the high-ranking job. But, really whats the point? Who says those titles mean anything at all? You die one day and as you rot in the ground whatever position you held in your lifetime won't fucking matter. There is no "afterlife" so quit dreaming and arousing yourself to the idea. Anyways this kid is really really funny just to look at and wonder about his life situations. I made a picture of him today in the paint program on my computer.
http://photobucket.com/albums/z135/gruffd00d/beardguy.jpg

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That was the only thing that caught my interest in school today. I have to work on some project thats due on October 1st for U.S. History, I havn't even started yet. Its about the amendments and I was assigned "Due Process of Law" and we have to make some model representation of an example that the amendment protects or violates the amendment. I'm making a police brutality representation. I think police brutality is really fucked up. In the first place, how the fuck are they "role models" in a society that tells us to go to college and shit. Most cops are nothing more than high school graduates. Second, who the fuck said one human being is higher than another? They put their value above ours. They treat themselves like our fucking masters or guardians. What if I don't agree with a law of yours? Who says I have to obey? The only person in charge of my life is me. I am in control of my morals and what not. I hate the fact that we have these bullshit figures that keep us in line and most of them are abusive. Look at the May Day Immigration beatings. Tell me that wasn't fucked up. Who the fuck attacks women and children? Only a fucking pig. If I ever violate a law of theirs and I'm arrested, they can beat me all they want but why can't I beat them back? I'll kill myself before having to go through their system rules. I am in control of my life not some fucking guy who gets the babes because of his uniform.

My afternoon passed and turned into night. Its funny how the sky is like a scene in a play. The clouds come and go without saying bye. I can't stop thinking about the future. When I ride the bus I like to sit in the back on the right next to the window. I like looking at the people that pass like an exhibit. I try to study them and want to know thier story. I want to know how they were like in the past as a youth. Is that youth dead inside? Youth is the best part of life. Why can't I hold onto it? Why do spiders catch everything in a web? Our lives are contantly passing by like scenes in a play yet many of you just follow the birds that come and go every season. Be like the moon and sun who never leave us. When I'm posting these I'm seated in my room looking out the window every couple of minutes, I can hear the crickets and the wind, and I'm listening to Godspeed You! Black Emperor and everything seems like a puzzle that has been completed. Yet, there are so many puzzles for me to complete. And each puzzle I have completed hasn't showed me the image I am waiting for. I'd really like to get that puzzle completed one of these days.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Irreconcilable Erections

Most mornings I wake up to the sound of an alarm going off. This happens twice through my morning, first at 5:01 a.m. and then at 5:53 a.m. After the first alarm goes off, I get up from my bed and turn it off. I then proceed to turn on my computer and go to my music player to pick an album to listen to. Once picked, I go lay down in my bed and just digest the sound of the music and process my thoughts. Everyother day I don't leave my house for school until 8:36 a.m. Today was one of those days. Its pretty nice to be able to wake up early, I always catch the suns journey to our sky. My day began with me listening to music and cruising the internet until I had to get ready for school. I marked my usual walk to the bus stop that leads me to school. In my algebra class there is this kid who is semi-retarded and kind of resembles Gary Coleman. I made a secret handshake with him. I shall explain it another time when I have a picture. Anyways, he usually is wandering around the school the first 30 minutes of class and while he was gone I asked "Wheres Gary Coleman?" the class laughed and someone echoed the question in desire for an answer. The teacher then told us "you don't know everyones story" and said she hears the snickering we make when we see his offset actions. She warned us to stop or we'd have to deal with her. This was a definet buzzzkillllllll for me. My day went on and as usual nothing really stood out.

Well actually, one of my best friends, Laura, was sent to rehab two weeks ago. I got a text from her last night saying she was kicked out. I was anticipating to see her today at school but she only showed up for one period and left, no one got to talk to her. She's such a great person. I really tend to find most people to be fake and fabricated. She's one of the few people who I don't get that sentiment in anyway. Turns out she has to go to some rehab in Whittier now which sucks. I think people who see any drug use as a "problem" need to focus on bigger issues. I hope we get to hang out soon, its always fun.

My day went on and I came home to wash the dishes. During this course I saw my brother and a friend of his making a hole in a water bottle. I immediatly knew why they were doing that and asked how much weed did he have. He told me he had a dime more or less. The three of us went to the back where I took a couple good hits. Beforehand I had a minor headache, this seemed to fix that problem and do a lot more. I finished the dishes afterwords and transceded into my own realm in my room as I put on some music as just lost myself. I really like the feeling I get when that happens. My day went on and on. I finished homework, ate dinner, and whatnot. The only other interesting part of my day came up at the dinner table when my brother mentioned that he had gone to the Gay-Straight Alliance Club meeting at school with a friend. He said how the club was getting pizza next week. My mom seemed to not understand the club. She questioned him about his sexuality, which I think was dumb because the club doesn't hint any particular person's sexuality since it is made up of both orientations. She then said she didn't want him going in fear that'd he be convinced to go gay. I found this ridiculously ignorant. 1) no one is "convinced" to go gay or straight, its just the way they are . 2) just the idea that this would be happening was so stupid to assume. I really love my mom, but at the same time I think she doesn't know much about certain subjects and is ignorant. I guess thats what religion does to people.

The sun that I witness every morning has moved on to the other side of earth and I am now under the intriguing sight of the night sky. I think the cycle of day to night, night to day is so beautiful. It'd be pretty cool to die as the sun was setting. Just the way that relates to one life would be almost like a fairy tale. I wish a lot of you were actualy living. Maybe you should start doing that tomorrow. I'm pretty sure you won't so theres no need to expect anything. Apparently the universe is infinite and is always growing. I wish flowers were like this and grew out of the moon.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Always Mondays Always

I woke up today in the usual dreadful mood I wake up with on mondays. I try to make the best of it, but as soon as I arrive at school I get in a negative mood just being around the type of people that are there. Its kind of sad how fake and processed can people be. At the same time it only makes me better than the majority of them. My school day was pretty usual, nothing really stood out except for a minor homework assignment in my psychology class. We're going to begin learning about Developmental Psychology and our homework is to recall beliefs and silly ideas we once shared as small children. I really want to come back to class and just say "When I was a little kid I use to believe what my parents told me about god, heaven, and faith but looking back thats just a big load of bullshit and a really retarded belief." I would probably get in trouble for that. I have to take the city bus home everyday and today the bus driver, who is a douche, sped off as a majortiy of the bus riders were approaching the bus. He's fat and he probably is a control freak on anything he has power over since he has lost control of himself and has lost his happiness. I make sure that that doesn't ever happen to me. Anyways I had to wait for another bus to come and after about 10 minutes one bus did. I thought I read "91" on the bus but as the bus went on it reached the end of its line and I found out in agony that it was the "94" which drops me off short of my usual bus stop. I had to walk for about 20 minutes which in retrospect was pretty nice because it gave me some time for myself and to think about things. I was once told that I think to much which I believe is pretty ignorant for someone to say. I'd rather not be a systematic drone, but then again that is what this unnamed person has become or maybe they were always this way and I just didn't see it. Anyways, I finally arrived home and noticed my mom took my keyboard and mouse so I wouldn't go online. It didn't bother me, I got to see the finale of the Pick Up Artist. That show was pretty over the top ridiculous to the point where I just watched it for the novelty factor. My mom finally came home and I waited an hour to use the computer. I began to write my memoir that I had mentioned in my last post. When I write stuff I like to write it off the top of my head so it can be as genuine and sincere as possible. This is the way I write this blog. I decided to use "punk" as the thing to write about in my memoir and how punk represents me. I'm really happy with the final product of the essay and I have to say I enjoyed writing it. Its nice to just sit down with some juice and a nice line-up of albums to listen to for influence. I suppose I'll post my memoir in this blog, but I'll do it at the end of this post. I spent a lot of time today thinking about my future. I really don't want to grow up. It kills me. The thought kills me inside and I hate it. I wish I could be 16/18 forever. I wish so much. I'll probably kill myself when I'm 30. I'm young and like to dream while I'm awake.

Heres my memoir. The assignment was to write a memoir that beings withe the line "I am a _____ because _____" The first part is what we are and why. The second how we became what we are. The third how it affects us. Please read it and tell me what you think.

"I am a 'punk' because of the attitude, beliefs, and ways I express myself and my thoughts. To me punk rock isn’t just a sound or a beat or fashion. Punk rock is so much more than that. To me punk rock is about expressing yourself, not being afraid of your beliefs, and liberation. I find it ridiculous that by many punk rock is defined as simple three chord music that is played by angst ridden teenagers with mowhawks dressed in dogpiles and leather coats in order to 'rebel' from their parents. Green Day isn’t punk rock by any means. They’re a walking contradiction, they are apparently 'political' and 'environmental' yet their politics are so narrow and basic and there concerts and travel do a lot of harm for the environment. Punk rock music can be abstract and shouldn’t limit itself to simple structures and lyrics. If an artist were really punk rock then they would experiment with different forms and not be afraid to engage in a different area of music. I think punk rock isn’t very relevant as a music label anymore, but rather its relevant as an idea that an artist or person can back their actions as. Not caring what others think, whether you’re wearing a leather jacket or a cashmere sweater; informing yourself about vital issues surrounding our past, present and future; expressing your human emotions through a different way of communication such as music, art, or writing; standing up for your morals and staying strong; liberation of any kind whether it be for social justice, equality, or on a personal level; these are all examples of what punk rock means. What I find so fucking hypocritical with the standard 'punk rocker' is that in their quest of portraying the fact that they don’t care what others think they go to the extreme that their look becomes who they are. They sport the mohawks, studs, pins and what not because they get to the point where they want to get a reaction from 'normal' people and by doing this they show that they do care what others think. This happens when punk rock is in the wrong hands. And as much as I hate to label myself I believe that my actions and aesthetic go along with punk rock. I dress in the way I personally like without regarding to trends or going to the extreme just to get a shock reaction. I keep myself well informed by reading articles on various issues such as war, corruption, economic equality, and for a voice of the oppressed. I release my emotions through music and writing, both listening and creating. I stand strong by my beliefs and won’t ever sell out on them. As I see the majority of our society drown themselves in the falsehood of television, pop-culture, materialism, and greed, I wish not to take part of it and try and connect with myself by self-reflection and expression through music and friends. Punk rock was what sparked my interest in music, since then I’ve seen my taste develop and expand but every artist I listen to shares the common belief in themselves, their music, and the pure sincere connection made with both. They aren’t big rock starts living in mansions, they are people just like me who care about higher issues and that feeling just makes everything bigger than life for me. It makes it seem as if I can also be doing the same and that is a beautiful feeling.

My childhood was great and those years were the best. I roamed around with out care or worries. Each day was a taste of bliss. I spend a lot of time dreading the future and just wishing if I closed my eye I would open them and be in my childhood again. I suppose nostalgia is the theme of my life. Maybe the reason why I enjoyed these years so much is because everything and everyone seemed so real and no one was worried about their image and perception. Children are beautiful, their eyes don’t judge and their hearts don’t lie. If only they could teach us all how to live in enchantment. Nevertheless, my years on earth have gone and I soon found myself in my pre-teenage years. At this point in life the only music I’ve heard were the standard “rock” bands, the likes of Nirvana, Led Zeppelin, Motley Crüe, and Guns N’ Roses. Yet, I never really made a connection with any of these artists for the most part. Luckily I had parents who had a passion for music when they were in their younger days. Through them I heard two bands who up until that point in my life were they only ones I found a real connection with. The music of The Beatles seems so relevant to any human’s daily life that it is almost impossible for me not to find an emotional connection with the songs. The Ramones also took me off my feet by the way the music was presented. They didn’t need any stadium rock solos or a false image. They were who they were and I found that great. As I dwelled into the music of these two bands I wanted to listen to more. I made my first attempt in my musical expedition during my 4th grade year when I heard Limp Bizkit along with other Nü-Metal acts. Looking back at this moment in my life, these bands were really “acts” not “artist” fore they relied heavily on the novelty of swear words and their 'shock' as a commercial tool. As my 5th grade year approached, this catchy fun band called Blink-182 came to the attention of my ears. The music was full of the spirit that can be described as 'youth'. I began to look at earlier 'punk' acts and stumbled across the likes of the Dead Kennedys. Their music introduced me to some interesting points made about of society and country. Soon enough 6th grade strolled by and something happened that changed my life forever, my mom bought a computer and along with it came AOL. I had also been given my first guitar the Christmas before which also would shape me. The computer was in my room and its accessibility to the internet allowed me to cruise websites reading information on bands that I wouldn’t have picked up in the mainstream. Along with bands I began to read a lot of articles that concentrated on important issues such as globalization, socialism, minority rights, and other stuff that isn’t covered by the news on a regular basis. I spent a lot of my days on the AOL Punk chat room which exposed me to many ideals of punk. Through the internet I discovered an important band that would be the gateway to the division of punk that I follow most. Black Flag introduced me to what is known as Hardcore. I also got into other key bands such as At The Drive-In, Sunny Day Real Estate, Minor Threat, The Locust, and Converge; each one of those bands would open a new vision on the way I see music and would expand that vision. The biggest year in my musical journey for me was probably 8th grade when I stumbled across a music forum as I was looking for guitar tabs. I began posting in the 'Hardcore/Emo' section of the forum. This was the most important front that I opened because it introduced me to 'true' emo. In the mainstream there are a lot of bands that are mislabeled 'emo' when in reality they’re either pop-punk or pop-rock. Emo really means Emotional Hardcore is a very emotional and personally charged form of punk music. I began listening these incredible bands such as Pg.99, Orchid, Neil Perry, Rites of Spring, Cap’n Jazz, Indian Summer, Swing Kids, Antioch Arrow, I Hate Myself, Circle Takes The Square, and others that to this day mean so much to me. I just found myself fall in love with the music and made a huge connection with it on a human level. I can understand this music and why it is done. The forum also introduced me to other genres I love like Post-Rock, obscure Indie, Grindcore, Crust, Power Violence, and Post-Metal to name a few. While my musical discoveries were happening in middle school I noticed something that would make me closer to the aspect I found in the music. I began to see the lack of truth in my fellow schoolmates. It was the time when it seemed everyone was trying to put on a cloak over their personalities in order to become something they aren’t and it made me sick. I began to become alienated from them. As the boys indulged themselves in the gross ideals of being macho and as the girls became materialistic and fake, I began to spend my spare time isolated in my house, downloading music non-stop, reading non-stop, making up stuff on my guitar non-stop. Soon enough I met some of the neighborhood kids who introduced me to someone I would collaborate with for a while. We both seemed to be looking at music in unique ways and it seemed very nice to have someone who felt the way I did even if he didn’t listen to a lot of the bands that I did. Time past, middle school was gone and I was entering my freshman year of high school. My friend and I soon formed a band that would become my first real way of creating an outlet for the music I had created myself. At the same time I had befriended some kids at school who seemed to share the same interest in Hardcore that I had. One of them, Chris, would have the closest resemblance of my musical taste than almost everyone else would ever. When you find people who share the same feeling and connection with you it’s an incredible feeling. Freshmen year strolled by and by the middle of my sophomore year the band that I started was over. In retrospect, the music wasn’t good yet the attitude was exactly how it should be. We didn’t care about anyone’s opinion of our music or whether we were fitting in with the musical trends going on. The opportunity to play a live show also was of great benefit. My song-writing skills also grew very much after the experience with the band. The band’s music was very one-dimensional, everything was flat and there were no surprises, depth, atmosphere, climaxes or anything going on. It was definitely a learning experience that showed me how to write music and what not to do. Most of the band members have gone their separate ways, but I have kept very close with one of them. Kyle was the band’s second bassist and later moved on to vocals, he is now my best friend. I really respect the way he looks at music and the love he has for it really shows. He is one of the other exclusive people who share the same feeling and connection with music that I have. This brings me to the present and in retrospect, punk rock didn’t determine who I am but rather who I am determined the punk rock aspect of me.

Punk rock continues to impact my life. My ideals and beliefs are aligned with the morals of punk rock. I am a deep believer in socialism, anti-globalization, minority rights and downfall of the capitalist system. My music taste still center around punk rock just not sonically but also with the actions and ideals the bands hold. Even my personal music follows the ever so divine virtue of do-it-yourself that punk rock has risen. I can say that I don’t care about the way I am perceived. I don’t have to put up a canvas of an image to appeal to people. That just doesn’t appeal to me at all. I am who I am and whether people accept it or denounce it, it makes no difference to me. I still feel the sense of alienation and isolation mixed with bits of nostalgia, melancholy, and frustration with the state of our country. Punk rock will always be apart of me, it will mean more to me than any line of clothes, celebrity, or president. Punk rock will always be a part of my life and I won’t ever connect with something at the same level. I love punk rock so much; the bands know that it isn’t about the corporate aspect of music. It’s the type of music in which album sales don’t matter because that’s not what it’s about. Go to a show with friends where you’re at a place with people that hold the same virtues as you and as you shout along to all the lyrics and let your self loose you are overcome with this infinite feeling. That is being on top of the world as you’re surrounded in a grim modern world. If a 'punk rocker' can’t describe this to you and if they don’t feel this way then they don’t know what punk is and what it means. It’s a shame that 'punk' is often used as a commercial tool, those who fall for the gag and those who manufacture it are nothing. The people who really understand what punk rock is and who connect with it in an incredible level will inherit the earth. This is what I am and what punk rock is. The Kodan Armada explained the reality, 'Punk rock is fucking self-expression. Punk rock is creating something outside of the mainstream society to keep us sane. If you don’t fucking believe in that, then I’m sorry, but this is what this is to me, and this is all I have. So, thank you for being apart of this.' "

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Star Trekin' It Through Life

Its sunday night and my weekend is closing, looking back at it my weekend was really really great. I count friday as a weekend because The evening is free to do whatever and not worry about school the next day. So the account of my weekend provided by me begins. On friday morning I was rather disapointed because there were reports saying it was going to rain and be cold but it was neither when I walked out of my house at 8:35 a.m. to make my walk to the bus stop to make it to school. School went by. The only part of it that stuck out for me was this assignment thats due in two days for my creative writing class. We have to write a memoir beginning with "I am a _______ because _________" and then write why we are what we are and what made us that way. I have a small idea about what I'm going to write but I'll save my ideas for another post. Anyways, My friends and I had agreed to score some weed. Luckily my friends' had a party that night in order to pay their rent. Several of my friends went. It was really good to be there with friends especially my friend Danielle who I use to hang out with a lot but I barely see her anymore. Nevertheless it was really great to finally hang out with her. One of my friends brought a good quality of weed to the party and shared it with some of the guys there including me. After I had my good share of 3 or 4 bowls and two joints, I felt something in my pockets and noticed I had 8 triple c pills there. My brother had given it to me a few days prior. I had never taken them and thought they were all hype. I was going to take them before school but my brother warned me not to. So as I was looking at them at the party, I thought to myself "why not? chances are nothings going to happen." I then took the 8 pills. I went on just high and nothing more. But, an hour after taking the pills as I was talking to some friends outside I suggested that we move inside the house because of the cold weather. We then proceeded to sit down on the couch. I was talking with my friend for about 5 minutes until I moved my head and lo0ked at the light source on the ceiling. I started rotating my head while making a weird "uuuuhhhhhaaaaaaaaaahhuuuuuuhhhh" droning sound. I then blacked out after a couple minutes of doing that. I would go in and out of actual conscious and would find my self in a small conversation or surrounded by people and questions. According to my friend Kyle, my eyes were rolling to the back of my head. When I finally stopped the cycle, I looked over to Danielle and asked for time. She gave it to me and I was in confusion. How could it be ten already. She then told me I was gone on the couch for about an hour. I then tried to get up but found it difficult to walk and was extremly high. Despite the walking circumstance I went on to have a good time and spent the night with some friends.

I woke up the next day, saturday, and got picked up by my mom and what not. I came home to do chores and then cruised the internet until 6ish when my friend told me of Soundwalk that was going on downtown. I got showered and dressed and decided to take the bus downtown. On my way to downtown I passed 2nd street where I met up with my friend Shea. We then took the bus to Downtown Long Beach and met up with friends. Soundwalk was very interesting and I really liked the abstract forms that sound was produced. I ran into some weird man in his late 40's or early 50's. I had some small talk and then he told me how he was into punk in the 80's and knew Black Flag. We exchanged goodbyes and I began to wonder how would I be at that age. He was very interesting. My friends and I continued to walk around the area, shared a joint which gave me a little high. Then walked over to Luka's house. Shea and I got picked up there by my mom who noticed the smell of marijuana and knew we smoked but didn't bother me on the subject. That was quite pleasant. My saturday was really good. I fell asleep wondering about my uncertain future.

Today is sunday and I woke up very rested. Its a peaceful feeling waking up with out any worries or exhaustion and in your own confortable bed. I made my way on the 4 feet journey to my computer where I began my day by downloading music and listening to the new downloads. I'm really satisfied with them. I spent my day at home with the family as some close friends of my parents came over for a gathering. I suppose its a good thing that I didn't go out today. I won't be tired tomorrow. It is now sunday night and I find myself here on my computer which isn't unusual for this time of this day, but I feel a bit of lonliness. Is this the way all humans feel? I wish I knew. I wish most of you weren't so pretencious. I really like to just sit down when my day is all done and just think about things as I listen to albums by atmospheric artist. I have been listening to Kayo Dot (my favorite band), Wolves In The Throne Room, Godspeed You! Black Emperor, Explosions In The Sky, Ghastly City Sleep, This Will Destroy You, and The Ascent of Everest almost exclusivly. Each of their music means a great deal to me and I make a real connection with each especially tonight as I tend to feel a bit of melancholy. I loved this weekend but something is missing. I want to meet someone. I don't know who. I'd like to answer my questions and fill my cup with juice.

Virgins

Throughout my crusade on the internet, I have witnessed these trendy pretencious people wasting away their life by processing an image of themselves that isn't true or is just a load of shit. They pose in their pictures with crooked legs, hands at the waist, and a side smile. I believe they are worthless and they know it and are trying to amount to an illusion that truly doesn't exist.

Well, I decided to get a blogspot. I really don't care about the way I am percieved by other people. I don't have to pose for pictures and then photoshop swingly lines on my tits, mainly because its stupid and I don't have tits. I'll use this blog just as a way to reflect on my days, months, years, and life. I might ramble about certain thoughts and philosophies I have and I'll talk about music a lot, which is a really important thing to me. I don't think I'll have many pictures up because I don't even own a camera.

To start off, my name is martin. I'm currently sixteen and reside in Long Beach. I attend Wilson Classsical High School, where I've had more than my fair share off run-ins with the "authority". I really enjoy hanging out with friends. Friends mean a lot to me because they are the few number of people who actually get me and understand me for the most part. I'm really up front about things because I hate hiding how I feel. I speak in a way that makes me come off as a total asshole when you first meet me. I just don't find the need to edit what I say in order to please someone. I enjoy a variety of music. I think I have the largest variety of taste. My absolute favorite bands are Converge, Pg.99, Kayo Dot, Graf Orlock, Orchid, and Godspeed You! Black Emperor. Each one of those bands mean a great deal to me that its just wonderful to sit down and reflect myself through the music. I love a lot of music; genres vary: hardcore, emo(the real deal), post-rock, grindcore, crust, power violence, sludge, doom, post-metal, indie, (some) alternative, post-punk, noise, thrash, (some) black metal, and hip-hop. I tend to stray away from the mainstream, its not because I choose to on purpose. I just can't connect with it and find it not to be pure or of any artistic value. That whole music and attitude seems so shallow and empty to me. Music to me is just more than a beat, the lyrics are of great value and I see music as an attitde, thought, and feeling. Sure I enjoy it but its just a lot more than that. Hopefully you get what I mean. I also like to watch movies, but once again like music I like movies that have depth. My favorite films are Fight Club, The Motorcycle Diaries, American Beauty, American Hardcore, Friday, The Squid And The Whale, and Cb4. My favorite books are The Catcher In The Rye, The Perks of Being A Wallflower, Johnny Got His Gun, and The Motorcycle Diaries. I make a large effort to keep myself informed on events. I don't think school grades determine how intelligent and smart you are. I don't think you keep your self well informed by watching the ten o'clock news every night. The news is made to entertain you and its ran like a show. There are so many things that happen every day that aren't covered in the news. You need to put yourself out there to learn about these things. I am a socialist. I don't believe that we are equal and free with justice to all in these country. I think this country has many problems that can't be resolved in a capitalist system. I also don't believe in a god or anything higher. Therefore, I'm atheist. I hold a stong grip on my socialist and athiest beliefs. When I die I'd like to think that I actually did live a real life.