Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Sunday, April 6, 2008
We Tend To Call These Memories
Volume I
We sat on top of these gardens, who knew our daughters become the vines while our sons cast away in particles of a leaf.
Volume II
I wasn't born on January 20th of 1991. These lights lead to nest, quilts of cancer. Slavery, families, windows, behold our sculptures. June. Dear moments place a map on these graphs. August. Monumental terminations will indeed pull away our covers and drench our rivers.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
I've Spent My Days Swinging Waiting To Be Caught
This weekend has come and gone and has become just like most things in the past. We call them memories because we'll never experience them again. My friends and I went to a show on Friday, they got robbed at gun point. This was just one string of a giant fucking puppet that I call my disgust with humanity. How can people be so fucking ignorant and shit? Its fucked up but everything is fucked up. People with fucking badges think they can boss anyone around. Cops demand respect yet give nothing back. Well, fuck that. I don't like that and I don't play by that fucking rule of social interaction. People sit in their offices every fucking day taking away money and making profit off of the vulnerable. Our society holds certain opinions higher than others. At the same time if I go out into the average day, its full of hard working people who love their family and friends and I like that. I like the faces of fathers and mothers with their children.
Home Alone 3 came out in 1997, 11 years ago. Where the fuck has my life gone. I'm 17 already. Fuck.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Wounds, Wonders, And Existence
I woke up this morning not knowing the time. I set my alarm last night but it never went off or at least I don't think it did. I guess thats how shit goes. Life's irony is pretty entertaining sometimes even though it can crush some of us. My days have been pretty light so far this week. I can't complain about them but I'm not thrilled. I'm coming to conclusions everyday. A lot of people are going to realize one day that they wasted a lot of time. I don't have anything to say.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Shift The Wall
My weekend. Friday cool. Saturday was fine too. Saw a friend. cool. Chemical Reactions. Really cool. Epic conversations with Spencer was a probable highlight. I enjoy these days but I know we'll laugh about them and I know they come and go. I'm still young, you're still young.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Chronicling The Cycles of Wind
Part One.
It had been at least fifty years since the town had paved the way for people to walk into the sea towards the eastern lands. It was also during spring a year ago that brought forth a new idea for me because I was as young as I would ever be. I have often been told that what makes humans a much more advanced creature than any other is the fact that we are able to communicate in a broad scale. From this point forward, I beg to differ with the proposition brought to me on the issue. I was sixteen and the world was behind me. There I sat admiring everything that stood around me as if it didn't belong there. This was when I learned people don't always laugh at jokes.
Looking back it must've been our common alienation from others that brought us together but the moment our sarcastic phrases and looks collided I would say was the moment in which I began to "grow up." Yet, I use the term loosely for all that has grown is my perception of the world and the motions that go on around me.
That summer, I discovered what friendship was. There the three of us stood on the pier that guided us above the water of the pacific ocean. As the children would play in the sand and with the waves, toys would be lost forever across the ocean. And as my friends and I stood like scientist in the wild we began to talk of our times together.
"Order number 42 for a Jerome." called the waitress who worked at the food place located on the pier.
That night ended like many of the nights that summer. We'd go out, have our laughs, create memories, and on the way home there'd be a car packed full of smiles wishing for the days to last.
The autumn came and so had changes. I'm not exactly sure where to begin. The days were gone. Every day I had been apart of before then was only a memory. If humans are the most advanced creatures and can communicate the best why doesn't it help me relate. I sit at school in taking these conversations yet everything seems so far away.
"I only had sex with him because he kept on begging." The girl across from me would say trying to justify past doings.
"So it was a pure pity fuck? He just enjoyed it as you lay there like a rag doll?" I tried to clear up this information in my head.
"...Well, whatever. That was a year ago. Now I have a boyfriend and we've been together for 8 months. He asked me out on," she continued with the date but I was only half listening and can't recall such a petty fact, yet she continues with the exact time.
"How the fuck do you know exactly what time he asked you out?"
It had been at least fifty years since the town had paved the way for people to walk into the sea towards the eastern lands. It was also during spring a year ago that brought forth a new idea for me because I was as young as I would ever be. I have often been told that what makes humans a much more advanced creature than any other is the fact that we are able to communicate in a broad scale. From this point forward, I beg to differ with the proposition brought to me on the issue. I was sixteen and the world was behind me. There I sat admiring everything that stood around me as if it didn't belong there. This was when I learned people don't always laugh at jokes.
Looking back it must've been our common alienation from others that brought us together but the moment our sarcastic phrases and looks collided I would say was the moment in which I began to "grow up." Yet, I use the term loosely for all that has grown is my perception of the world and the motions that go on around me.
That summer, I discovered what friendship was. There the three of us stood on the pier that guided us above the water of the pacific ocean. As the children would play in the sand and with the waves, toys would be lost forever across the ocean. And as my friends and I stood like scientist in the wild we began to talk of our times together.
"Order number 42 for a Jerome." called the waitress who worked at the food place located on the pier.
That night ended like many of the nights that summer. We'd go out, have our laughs, create memories, and on the way home there'd be a car packed full of smiles wishing for the days to last.
The autumn came and so had changes. I'm not exactly sure where to begin. The days were gone. Every day I had been apart of before then was only a memory. If humans are the most advanced creatures and can communicate the best why doesn't it help me relate. I sit at school in taking these conversations yet everything seems so far away.
"I only had sex with him because he kept on begging." The girl across from me would say trying to justify past doings.
"So it was a pure pity fuck? He just enjoyed it as you lay there like a rag doll?" I tried to clear up this information in my head.
"...Well, whatever. That was a year ago. Now I have a boyfriend and we've been together for 8 months. He asked me out on," she continued with the date but I was only half listening and can't recall such a petty fact, yet she continues with the exact time.
"How the fuck do you know exactly what time he asked you out?"
"I looked at my phone how else!" she explained.
As the conversation went on, I couldn't keep my eyes off of her and it wasn't because I was attracted to you but because I was fascinated with how unattractive she was. Her hair was piss yellow after a failed dye yet her brown roots had already came in so it looked even worse. She had bucked teeth and the most obnoxious voice I've ever heard.
She went on talking about her boyfriend when I just couldn't stop but blurt out, "why don't you just fucking cut time and just fuck your boyfriend endlessly , wreck you life, have an abortion, and die of carbon monoxide poisoning so I can at least go to sleep at night knowing the world isn't as ignorant as you are representing it to be."
-But no, that was just my head saying that as I nodded along to what had become background music.
That winter was one of the wettest yet. I managed to catch pneumonia after I laid out on my grass during a of rain storm. As I look back on the memory, I believe I was recalling other memories at the time. How perfect of a symbol for the deprivation I had felt that day. If you didn't know me you would believe that I was on drugs but I tend to blackout sometimes due to a medical condition and this experience can be traced to my blackouts. But this blackout was different than any other. I was on the wettest grass I have ever seen in my life yet it felt so comfortable and warm inside as I was overwhelmed by this warm feeling. The clouds were moving mountains and the wind was carrying tomorrows flower seeds, yet I had managed to relate everything to events of the past summer. Its a shame you can't hug the sky.
"Jerome! Jerome!" my mom called yet I never answered. I just laid in awe of the drenched quilt that hangs over us all.
He walked into the room as I lay on my warm bed.
"Are you feeling better?" he asked about my pneumonia.
"Eh... I suppose so. I guess it wasn't such a good idea to lay on the grass like that huh..." I replied.
"It was a blackout wasn't..." he questioned.
"-No," I interrupted and tried to explain what went through my head because thats what best friends try to do. "Listen, Greg... It was more than a blackout. I wasn't blacking out. I remember everything quite vividly. You see..."
"It wasn't a blackout?" he interrupted.
"Uhh, no. I wouldn't say so. Whats the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?" I asked.
"I, uh... I don't know but what does this have to do with the 'blackout'?" He asked wanting to find out.
"This was a portrait painted for me." I simply stated.
I was back in school after two weeks of illness and went back to my regular routine. Wake up early, get a ride, learn, take the bus, home. I enjoy taking the bus and it is an experience that revives the human spirit for me daily. The seat I prefer is the very right seat at the very back so I can have a clear view of the people we past. I tend to see mothers holding children, fathers working for families, daughters going to school, brothers reading books, nephews riding bikes, everyone living part of their lives totally unaware of mine and my existence. I pass by a neighborhood I once knew that summer.
"Do you ever listen to radio free europe?" asks a man who I assume is in his fifties. He wears a leather jacket to keep him warm and comfortable denim pants. I noticed that he was looking at me for a few minutes. I could tell his destination was the Veterans Hospital the bus passes by on its route.
"I don't believe I've ever heard of radio free europe..." I answer
He began to explain to me the way it works and had somehow began to dwell o the days of his youth.
"My brother and I grew up on a farm together with our family. We're not so far apart. I remember how we would have to do chores like cleaning the hay and helping take care of the harvest. My father was a proud man and taught us the importance of work. After work my brother and I would have all the fun any two young boys could ever ask for. We'd play games such as Indians and Cowboys. We had so many hills around our house and we would run u and down these hills until the sun set. When the sun was setting we'd lay on the grass and make out shapes of the moving clouds. As we grew older we spent more summers together promising each other we'd always be there taking care of the other. He was my older brother, my hero. One time a few of the older kids had taken my ball and my brother took it upon himself to demand it back. As small of an act as that seems, it meant the world to me. The war started and we were both drafted. My brother promised everything would be okay and nothing would happen to me because he wouldn't let it. He taught me survival skills to assure my well being. We had plans towards our futures after the war, We would manage our own farm and spend even more summer days together with out harvest. The war was horrendous, yet nothing happened to me and I came out scar free. My brother had been deployed earlier and would be home a month before me. When I came home, I had so much to tell my brother. I came home to find the house with only our parents. I ran in expecting my brother there. He must've been hiding in his room with a surprise for me. I searched the house until I ran into his room only to find his military uniform with medals there and a home for flowers. I began to yell his name 'Jonathan! Jonathan, come out please!' My parents came to the room and gave me their hand to put on my shoulder, a symbol to confirm the fact if my brother's fate. I collapsed to the floor and this river of tears began to circulate on the hardwood floor. The river soon became an endless ocean of grief." His voice had begun to crack and his eyes were glassy as he turned to me, "Do you have a brother?"
"Yes, a younger one. His name is Allan" I answered.
He stood up to make his way out of the bus but before his voyage began he looked at me and said, "Love your brother very much and summers don't last forever."
I went home that day and helped my brother out with his part of the chores as a demonstration of my affection. When we were little we would make up our own games and rules. Our childhood home consisted of a large backyard which was also the home of the biggest tree I had ever seen. My dad attached a rope to the tree that my brother and I would swing on. We spent endless carefree days swinging and sharing smiles. We would create a small baseball field using our dad's tiles as bases. We assumed a batter should knock the base before a pitch was thrown and we would always break the tiles in the process. Every run to home was just another way to make life seem endless. Our elbows would be stained by grass, our knees covered in mud. No Yesterdays. No Tomorrows. Only today.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
I Can't Imagine What Clouds Feel Like
So its getting pretty hot now and I'm not sure if I like it or not. School was alright yesterday just because it was a minimum day and everything went by fast. In sociology we've been began talking about cultures. Part of the discussion involved a talk on what values, knowledge, customs, and physical objects our culture indulges in. I get pretty frustrated hearing some of the fucking dumb ass responses people come up with and they're completely serious. When asked about where our knowledge comes from some people answered "religion." If you're knowledge comes from religion then you're a fucking idiot. You can't expected a vague book to give you all of life's answers. It creates this mind set that you follow blindly. I laugh when christians criticize other religions and make fun of them because they're "weird." Go examine your religion. I just don't see the logic in thinking the world was actually made in seven days and the first living beings were Adam and Eve. There is also a lot more bullshit in the bible. Religion is just a way to control people. If you base all of your morals on religion instead of your own judgement, then something is fucking wrong with your mental process. When it came to the values part everyone yelled "money" like fucking wild idiots. If you value the "right" to fuck over others and to be able to be fucked over at any given time then I really don't know what to tell you besides the fact that you're an ignorant piece of shit. I don't think a capitalist democracy is great like people say it is. Its pretty much bullshit. We've come to the point where your vote doesn't count and its the corporations that foster their approved choices. American culture is probably the most ignorant egoistic culture ever and I have come to hate it.
Anyways, I don't really know how should I feel right now. Nothing in life is horrible right now, but its also not a sunny road. I don't know if it will ever be. I think people who seriously think life is the best thing ever are fooling themselves or forcing themselves to think that. How do people feel as they lay during their final moments of life expecting this "light" to take them away from the earth and all they get is the darkness that comes with eternal sleep. Fools.
Something that I have taken as the biggest joke ever is the city of Lakewood. I think a big piece of shit fell from space onto earth and people began to inhabit it and called it Lakewood. For the most part its full of the biggest douches I've ever seen. The school is pretty fucking bad too. The kids are fucking horrible. Cool girl pants. Cool hair. So your parents bought you a camera and you now think you can take good pictures. Go fuck yourself. So last year you were all about some stupid scene fad and now you're buy American Apparel and thinking you look cool. Go fuck yourself. I really hope one of the pieces of shit from Lakewood read this. I'm not sure if it's the stupid scene kids or the white trash bros that are worse. I really can't make up my mind. I think this is the only time I'll take the bros side because the fucking scene kids are too ridiculous. At least the bros don't bounce around shit cuming on one fad to another. I'll end the rant here.
Well I've uploaded some albums I think you'd enjoy (at least one out of the three).
Give Up The Ghost - We're Down 'Til We're Underground
http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?n0jzmc21tvm
This is probably the best hardcore album I've ever heard and I'll go as far as saying one of the top 5 best punk albums. So ridiculous how much this rules. The lyrics are amazing and so is the music. Band is fucking great.
Cap'n Jazz - Discography
http://www.mediafire.com/?ndnzvjl3oam
Makes me feel like a kid.
Girl Talk - Unstoppable
http://www.mediafire.com/?0lx0tuxnyzn
People should party more.
Anyways, I don't really know how should I feel right now. Nothing in life is horrible right now, but its also not a sunny road. I don't know if it will ever be. I think people who seriously think life is the best thing ever are fooling themselves or forcing themselves to think that. How do people feel as they lay during their final moments of life expecting this "light" to take them away from the earth and all they get is the darkness that comes with eternal sleep. Fools.
Something that I have taken as the biggest joke ever is the city of Lakewood. I think a big piece of shit fell from space onto earth and people began to inhabit it and called it Lakewood. For the most part its full of the biggest douches I've ever seen. The school is pretty fucking bad too. The kids are fucking horrible. Cool girl pants. Cool hair. So your parents bought you a camera and you now think you can take good pictures. Go fuck yourself. So last year you were all about some stupid scene fad and now you're buy American Apparel and thinking you look cool. Go fuck yourself. I really hope one of the pieces of shit from Lakewood read this. I'm not sure if it's the stupid scene kids or the white trash bros that are worse. I really can't make up my mind. I think this is the only time I'll take the bros side because the fucking scene kids are too ridiculous. At least the bros don't bounce around shit cuming on one fad to another. I'll end the rant here.
Well I've uploaded some albums I think you'd enjoy (at least one out of the three).
Give Up The Ghost - We're Down 'Til We're Underground
http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?n0jzmc21tvm
This is probably the best hardcore album I've ever heard and I'll go as far as saying one of the top 5 best punk albums. So ridiculous how much this rules. The lyrics are amazing and so is the music. Band is fucking great.
Cap'n Jazz - Discography
http://www.mediafire.com/?ndnzvjl3oam
Makes me feel like a kid.
Girl Talk - Unstoppable
http://www.mediafire.com/?0lx0tuxnyzn
People should party more.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
If Only The Morning Proceeded To Night
I've pretty much have been ____________. I have a dentist appointment this morning but no iPod and I feel like it'll be the longest day ever of my life.
You should wake up to this, pretty amazing
Explosions In The Sky - Those Who Tell The Truth Shall Die, Those Who Tell The Truth Shall Live Forever
http://www.mediafire.com/?wjxzyvtt0wn
Close the night with this or vice versa
Explosions In The Sky - The Earth Is Not A Cold Dead Place
http://www.mediafire.com/?wjxzyvtt0wn
"Yeah"
Eyehategod - Dopesick
http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?je2l53nboki
This just rules
Girl Talk - Night Ripper
http://www.mediafire.com/?vnddzzwtitf
You should wake up to this, pretty amazing
Explosions In The Sky - Those Who Tell The Truth Shall Die, Those Who Tell The Truth Shall Live Forever
http://www.mediafire.com/?wjxzyvtt0wn
Close the night with this or vice versa
Explosions In The Sky - The Earth Is Not A Cold Dead Place
http://www.mediafire.com/?wjxzyvtt0wn
"Yeah"
Eyehategod - Dopesick
http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?je2l53nboki
This just rules
Girl Talk - Night Ripper
http://www.mediafire.com/?vnddzzwtitf
Monday, February 25, 2008
In A Wilderness of Light
Today was pretty good after 4:00 p.m. I was picked up my Kyle, Laura, and Michael. We picked up Richard and "jammed". It ended up really good. Its looking up. We then went on a quest for spray paint and a long sleeved shirt for Kyle which ended up empty handed. Laura and I played a game of hunting while at Walmart. Michael and I planned our battle for humanity against the Walmart zombies. We visited our friend Danielle at work which is funny because she's a sandwich artist at Subway that gives free meals. Laura went home afterwards and we dropped off Michael at Erik's house. I noticed that I didn't have my ipod. I guess Laura has it in her purse. "Fuck". Tomorrow is going to be dreadful at school and during my dentist appointment. So flashback to our hunt for Kyle's stuff, we were in the parking lot of Target and I was telling Laura a story by showing her something. She made a statement. I guess she's half right but I wish she was 100% right.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
an ocean at the center of the world
The past two days have been really good and are above par on my usual scale of "life experiences". A lot of my favorite things have been apart of the schedules of activities and I suppose thats what makes a "good time". The school week is pretty shitty to say the least. I sit drowning in every class as I am expose to the stupidity of the world and mankind. Ask myself, "This people are actually going to have fuck each other and have kids and be part of our society helping make decisions with ideas of 'progression' and what not?" Fuck, they are. As I sit around in the quad area at lunch everyday with my oh so clever cynical view of the surroundings, I look around at all the people around me and at all the couples, social groups, and individuals. I always go off in my head wondering, what do they do on the weekends? What are "important" issues to them? What are their feelings on life? Is it more than your "bros", getting head by a drunk naples girl, nasty beer, your macho ego or the fake tan you wear? What do the average high school couple talk about? I kind of wish I had an example of a "serious" conversation between a couple because I'm sure it'll be laughable. You see, Mr. Dick on the football team is going to grow up and go to college because his parents can send him, get a job, get married, get kids, go to church, vote on limited government taxes and an aggressive foreign policy, teach his son how to be a man, go hunting, fuck his wife, get old, not being able to get a boner, getting viagra, being able to get a boner, fucking a secretary, dying. As he grows up he'll go along with Ms. Clit who is apart of some stupid sorority or school activity and will grow up and go to college because of her parents, get a job, get married, get kids, quit her job, love jesus, mindlessly agree with her husband because god forbid any spics or fags or whores enjoy anything, relive her youth and go to the gym as she strives on dressing and looking like she is 25 again, fuck her husband and her gym trainer, teach her kids the morals and teachings of the lord, dying. Where do these people connect? I believe its under the make up and testosterone and not knowing its their shallow meaningless lives. Your dad goes hunting and you look like you're overweight with down-syndrome as you make "funny" comments and send "funny" pictures on internet so you can seek praise from your peers yet the funny thing is you found them on someone else's shit and little clever you uses it to reinforce the massive douche you truly are. Congratulations.
As I was saying earlier, my past two days have been good. I've been with legitimate people. Backyard show friday night in a sketchy city called El Monte which ended up to be really fun. Right when my friends and I were getting in the car, we see police helicopters fly over the neighborhood and three cop cars go down the street. Its pretty much self-explanatory. Last night was really good as my friends and I attended a gathering and other states of mind. I'm coming to conclusions now and I'm not sure if thats good or bad. I think while at times I enjoy my experiences, life in general is still a blur. I know I'm young and one day I'll look back with maybe a chuckle of laughter or a grin of regret but no matter what this is a moment I'll probably see as the least miserable time. Its kind of weird saying that because at times life is miserable yet I still don't have a solid opinion on it. Every time I look at both sides of the issue, I look the other way because I don't relate. There are people who have this angst and feel the need to show it off like a trophy scar as they wear it with the slipknot or fall out boy shirt their parents bought them at hot topic for $25. They're the kids with the studded bracelets creeping around the halls with their hair in their face thinking a pop star feels their pain. If their parents don't buy them hair dye then they might fall into another pit of depression.
"Why are you sad/angry/ect.?" "What makes your life bad?" "What are private schools and the suburbs like?" .No.Answer.
Look at the other side of the spectrum, there are people who "love" life. Life is this amazing journey you share with friends smiling in a game of bumper cars. Love your friends, family, and right hand. Really? How foolish. I suppose ignorance is bliss. I can't ever say I "love" life because there is a bunch of bullshit in this world. I can't say I'm grateful for my life because I didn't ask for it and I don't see it as a favor to me. You can't be grateful, this is the only life you're experiencing so what is there to compare it to? In all honesty, I like my friends. I like them a lot and I'm glad their my friends. I think thats the good thing about friends, it makes the standard of living a lot better. Yet, I look around at the path we "should" all follow. Love. Marriage. Family. And everything else that shits on your parade. I think marriage is a bunch of bullshit. The idea that there is "someone" out there for you and they will complete you as they fill in every whole in your life is absolutely ridiculous. "You are the one for me." You will never know that. Have you taken a survey of everyone in the world to determine that? There isn't this force that brings you two together forever. I think marriage is a negative thing because it sets you up for this mentality and failure is not an option so you're trapped like a slave your whole life dragging around a family and bullshit responsibility like a dead leg. You're husband beats you but you stay because its god's will. How can you be in love with someone forever and stay with them? A person changes in their life and can become many personalities and phases throughout time. Which one do you love? Its the one of yesterday but you hold on to that memory as you staple it to the physical image that lays next to you in bed.
I'm positive that I'll never get married. I'm not saying I won't have a partner but marriage is something I'll never take part off. Kids are pretty bad for me too. I don't want kids. It is a danger to my life. I don't want to go through the bullshit ordeals as my kid progresses from student of the month to failure of the year but I will reconcile with them in a tearful reunion made by a therapist in which we'll say "I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you." Thats not for me. I'm not up for the job to ruin my life and "fun". I'm not up to become a role model. The only part I'll miss out on is the part where you teach your kid and influence them as much as possible so they won't turn into a failure or douche bag. I'm kind of considering becoming a high school teacher to fill that void. I'm not sure what life has to offer me. It doesn't offer anything since I'm living now and not tomorrow. I suppose thats why my position on life is unconfirmed, because I have not seen the whole only the little chapters.
When it comes down to it we're just these craters on the moon waiting for a vessel to sink and I'm starting to realize how lonely the moon really is through my own reflection.
I think I'm going to write a book.
This is my internals, you should follow it too. download it here: http://www.mediafire.com/?zvzmzsyfcvm
As I was saying earlier, my past two days have been good. I've been with legitimate people. Backyard show friday night in a sketchy city called El Monte which ended up to be really fun. Right when my friends and I were getting in the car, we see police helicopters fly over the neighborhood and three cop cars go down the street. Its pretty much self-explanatory. Last night was really good as my friends and I attended a gathering and other states of mind. I'm coming to conclusions now and I'm not sure if thats good or bad. I think while at times I enjoy my experiences, life in general is still a blur. I know I'm young and one day I'll look back with maybe a chuckle of laughter or a grin of regret but no matter what this is a moment I'll probably see as the least miserable time. Its kind of weird saying that because at times life is miserable yet I still don't have a solid opinion on it. Every time I look at both sides of the issue, I look the other way because I don't relate. There are people who have this angst and feel the need to show it off like a trophy scar as they wear it with the slipknot or fall out boy shirt their parents bought them at hot topic for $25. They're the kids with the studded bracelets creeping around the halls with their hair in their face thinking a pop star feels their pain. If their parents don't buy them hair dye then they might fall into another pit of depression.
"Why are you sad/angry/ect.?" "What makes your life bad?" "What are private schools and the suburbs like?" .No.Answer.
Look at the other side of the spectrum, there are people who "love" life. Life is this amazing journey you share with friends smiling in a game of bumper cars. Love your friends, family, and right hand. Really? How foolish. I suppose ignorance is bliss. I can't ever say I "love" life because there is a bunch of bullshit in this world. I can't say I'm grateful for my life because I didn't ask for it and I don't see it as a favor to me. You can't be grateful, this is the only life you're experiencing so what is there to compare it to? In all honesty, I like my friends. I like them a lot and I'm glad their my friends. I think thats the good thing about friends, it makes the standard of living a lot better. Yet, I look around at the path we "should" all follow. Love. Marriage. Family. And everything else that shits on your parade. I think marriage is a bunch of bullshit. The idea that there is "someone" out there for you and they will complete you as they fill in every whole in your life is absolutely ridiculous. "You are the one for me." You will never know that. Have you taken a survey of everyone in the world to determine that? There isn't this force that brings you two together forever. I think marriage is a negative thing because it sets you up for this mentality and failure is not an option so you're trapped like a slave your whole life dragging around a family and bullshit responsibility like a dead leg. You're husband beats you but you stay because its god's will. How can you be in love with someone forever and stay with them? A person changes in their life and can become many personalities and phases throughout time. Which one do you love? Its the one of yesterday but you hold on to that memory as you staple it to the physical image that lays next to you in bed.
I'm positive that I'll never get married. I'm not saying I won't have a partner but marriage is something I'll never take part off. Kids are pretty bad for me too. I don't want kids. It is a danger to my life. I don't want to go through the bullshit ordeals as my kid progresses from student of the month to failure of the year but I will reconcile with them in a tearful reunion made by a therapist in which we'll say "I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you." Thats not for me. I'm not up for the job to ruin my life and "fun". I'm not up to become a role model. The only part I'll miss out on is the part where you teach your kid and influence them as much as possible so they won't turn into a failure or douche bag. I'm kind of considering becoming a high school teacher to fill that void. I'm not sure what life has to offer me. It doesn't offer anything since I'm living now and not tomorrow. I suppose thats why my position on life is unconfirmed, because I have not seen the whole only the little chapters.
When it comes down to it we're just these craters on the moon waiting for a vessel to sink and I'm starting to realize how lonely the moon really is through my own reflection.
I think I'm going to write a book.
This is my internals, you should follow it too. download it here: http://www.mediafire.com/?zvzmzsyfcvm
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
I wrote this short story
Wrote this for creative writing. Did it in one day. Last minute thing.
I Will Lay My Divinity In A Tragedy
“I have an encyclopedia of my own, that I use t keep me warm but its hard when all the pages are ripped out. I’ve been on these urban streets a year now since today is January 31st, 1988. People say the world will end in twenty years when our planet is blown up after a U.S. / Soviet Union nuclear world, ask yourself ‘why not now?’ “
As he lay in his cold room, he just imagined how life was 15 years ago when he was a child. It was at the age of seven that some of the older kids in the neighborhood were pushing him and as he hit the ground a young man told them to fuck off. This feeling of gratitude over took him.
“Are you okay?” asked the Good Samaritan.
“Yes, I just scraped my leg…” he explained in a soft voice.
“Let me take a look at that, big guy. What’s your name?” asked the young man in a voice similar to Mr. Rogers.
“William,” he replied.
“Here take one of these,” the nice man reached into his bright yellow bag full of lollipops.
The memory soon faded and the night passed into the morning hours. William’s morning started as he made his way into the grey rugged busy streets of Los Angeles, California.
William had this way if walking and talking that created an attractive persona. William was somewhere in between James Dean and Charles Bronson. He would lean against a liquor store everyday and today was no different.
Around 10:00 it was when a young man pulled up to the liquor store and peeked out of his window.
“How much?” he asked as he made a hand signal for a sexual act.
“Eighty,” replied William in a professional matter as he made his way into the car.
We may never notice the small things hidden in the background of our everyday lives, but its funny the way they seem to notice us. As the deal between William and the young man was going through, there stood a middle-aged man across the street observing William like a mother watching over her nest. His heart pounded with fear every time William would get in the car. It can almost be described as the fear parents feel when they drop their kids off at school hoping they won’t get their heads blasted off by a guy in a trench coat.
“Father Benedict!” called a local market owner at the middle-aged man.
“Why, yes these are the fruits I was looking for. Thank you very much and may the lord bless you,” replied Father Benedict.
Father Benedict was a charming man with shiny blue eyes that accompanied the gold cross he carried around his neck everywhere he went. He was entering his 14th year as a Priest at the local church where he preached every Sunday. Father Benedict was a simple man whose needs were mostly met when he would get on his knees and pray. When he would pray, he would start crying and ask for forgiveness.
It was across the street from William’s usual pick up spot that Father Benedict would watch over William. As shameful as he was about it, Father Benedict could not lie to himself. He was in love with William and fantasized about being with him forever.
As William was finishing up in the young man’s car he looked straight into his eyes and couldn’t stop this feeling he had inside. These people’s lives were his and they have given them up to him.
Father Benedict was making his way past the liquor store later that afternoon when he bumped into William and Father Benedict dropped his bible and a bag.
“I’m so sorry,” said William in a concerned voice as he bent over to retrieve Father Benedict’s bible and bag.
Father Benedict was nervous and stuttered, “Its…okay young man, what’s your name?”
“William,” answered William as he handed over the bible and bag.
At the very instant that William handed Father Benedict the bible and bag, he noticed that the bag was bright yellow and there were lollipops in it.
At the very moment that Father Benedict heard William’s name, did he look in his eyes and remember the young boy from 15 years ago.
“Why, thank you boy… I mean William. Thank you for picking up my stuff. Have a lovely day and may the lord bless you,” said Father Benedict in a nervous tone.
“No… Problem. Same to you,” replied William as he was in awe of the Father.
As Father Benedict walked away towards his church he looked up into the gray sky and as if he were talking to the sun said, “15 years ago I saw the son, Jesus Christ and today I saw God, the father.”
William left wishing he had showed the father his gratitude and regretted not saying anything in fear that he just ruined his only chance. Father Benedict knew he had another opportunity tonight at the cafe where William often socialized during the fourth evening of the week.
William was in fact there that night and Father Benedict was ready to spark a conversation. As soon as William walked in, Father Benedict approached as if it was by chance that they ran into each other again.
William was the first to speak, “Father! How strange that we meet again today. I’m pretty glad to see you.”
“Ah boy. I’m glad to see you too,” said Father Benedict as he moved the plan forward. “Would you like to take this conversation to the house of God?”
William was thrilled and enthusiastically accepted the invitation; he couldn’t wait to show Father Benedict his gratitude. Once seated in Father Benedict’s room in the church, William began to talk about the day 15 years ago when Father Benedict saved him. “It was me father, I was the boy you helped. Thank you so much,” said William as he went to hug Father Benedict.
“I know boy, I know it all William. I love you,” said Father Benedict in an affectionate voice.
William soon tried to break away from the hug, as Father Benedict held tight. “Father, I think its time for me to leave. I have to go.”
“You can’t leave… I love you. This is your home. Didn’t you hear me William, I love you…” cried Father Benedict.
“I can’t stay here, I only came to say thanks.” William tried to break free but couldn’t until he pushed Father Benedict and punched him.
Father Benedict began crying but attempted to keep William by chasing him and calling William’s name.
As William ran out the church into the cold rainy night, Father Benedict fell on his knees in the front of the church and yelled, “William, come back! This is the house of God; this is the house of God! You are God! This is your home! William! This is the house of God…”
Father Benedict made his way to the wine and sat in the chair he sat on every Sunday during mass. He poured the wine all over his mouth as it spilled on him and the floor. He began to mutter in misery as he pulled a dagger to his neck.
William made his way to his home as he calmed down he looked out the window into the gray night sky that hung over the city. Pollution and city lights eclipsed the moon and stars but tonight they were clear even if it was just William’s imagination. He lay on his bed silently as lonely as the city. An encyclopedia lay on the floor of his mind and he knew he had to bind the pages together.
Father Benedict’s flesh hung out of his neck greeting the wine that had spilled. His last words were, “Deity was a fantasy, and God was here but left me sitting in my own reliquary. Heaven’s spew its wine at me and now I prepare to dine.”
I Will Lay My Divinity In A Tragedy
“I have an encyclopedia of my own, that I use t keep me warm but its hard when all the pages are ripped out. I’ve been on these urban streets a year now since today is January 31st, 1988. People say the world will end in twenty years when our planet is blown up after a U.S. / Soviet Union nuclear world, ask yourself ‘why not now?’ “
As he lay in his cold room, he just imagined how life was 15 years ago when he was a child. It was at the age of seven that some of the older kids in the neighborhood were pushing him and as he hit the ground a young man told them to fuck off. This feeling of gratitude over took him.
“Are you okay?” asked the Good Samaritan.
“Yes, I just scraped my leg…” he explained in a soft voice.
“Let me take a look at that, big guy. What’s your name?” asked the young man in a voice similar to Mr. Rogers.
“William,” he replied.
“Here take one of these,” the nice man reached into his bright yellow bag full of lollipops.
The memory soon faded and the night passed into the morning hours. William’s morning started as he made his way into the grey rugged busy streets of Los Angeles, California.
William had this way if walking and talking that created an attractive persona. William was somewhere in between James Dean and Charles Bronson. He would lean against a liquor store everyday and today was no different.
Around 10:00 it was when a young man pulled up to the liquor store and peeked out of his window.
“How much?” he asked as he made a hand signal for a sexual act.
“Eighty,” replied William in a professional matter as he made his way into the car.
We may never notice the small things hidden in the background of our everyday lives, but its funny the way they seem to notice us. As the deal between William and the young man was going through, there stood a middle-aged man across the street observing William like a mother watching over her nest. His heart pounded with fear every time William would get in the car. It can almost be described as the fear parents feel when they drop their kids off at school hoping they won’t get their heads blasted off by a guy in a trench coat.
“Father Benedict!” called a local market owner at the middle-aged man.
“Why, yes these are the fruits I was looking for. Thank you very much and may the lord bless you,” replied Father Benedict.
Father Benedict was a charming man with shiny blue eyes that accompanied the gold cross he carried around his neck everywhere he went. He was entering his 14th year as a Priest at the local church where he preached every Sunday. Father Benedict was a simple man whose needs were mostly met when he would get on his knees and pray. When he would pray, he would start crying and ask for forgiveness.
It was across the street from William’s usual pick up spot that Father Benedict would watch over William. As shameful as he was about it, Father Benedict could not lie to himself. He was in love with William and fantasized about being with him forever.
As William was finishing up in the young man’s car he looked straight into his eyes and couldn’t stop this feeling he had inside. These people’s lives were his and they have given them up to him.
Father Benedict was making his way past the liquor store later that afternoon when he bumped into William and Father Benedict dropped his bible and a bag.
“I’m so sorry,” said William in a concerned voice as he bent over to retrieve Father Benedict’s bible and bag.
Father Benedict was nervous and stuttered, “Its…okay young man, what’s your name?”
“William,” answered William as he handed over the bible and bag.
At the very instant that William handed Father Benedict the bible and bag, he noticed that the bag was bright yellow and there were lollipops in it.
At the very moment that Father Benedict heard William’s name, did he look in his eyes and remember the young boy from 15 years ago.
“Why, thank you boy… I mean William. Thank you for picking up my stuff. Have a lovely day and may the lord bless you,” said Father Benedict in a nervous tone.
“No… Problem. Same to you,” replied William as he was in awe of the Father.
As Father Benedict walked away towards his church he looked up into the gray sky and as if he were talking to the sun said, “15 years ago I saw the son, Jesus Christ and today I saw God, the father.”
William left wishing he had showed the father his gratitude and regretted not saying anything in fear that he just ruined his only chance. Father Benedict knew he had another opportunity tonight at the cafe where William often socialized during the fourth evening of the week.
William was in fact there that night and Father Benedict was ready to spark a conversation. As soon as William walked in, Father Benedict approached as if it was by chance that they ran into each other again.
William was the first to speak, “Father! How strange that we meet again today. I’m pretty glad to see you.”
“Ah boy. I’m glad to see you too,” said Father Benedict as he moved the plan forward. “Would you like to take this conversation to the house of God?”
William was thrilled and enthusiastically accepted the invitation; he couldn’t wait to show Father Benedict his gratitude. Once seated in Father Benedict’s room in the church, William began to talk about the day 15 years ago when Father Benedict saved him. “It was me father, I was the boy you helped. Thank you so much,” said William as he went to hug Father Benedict.
“I know boy, I know it all William. I love you,” said Father Benedict in an affectionate voice.
William soon tried to break away from the hug, as Father Benedict held tight. “Father, I think its time for me to leave. I have to go.”
“You can’t leave… I love you. This is your home. Didn’t you hear me William, I love you…” cried Father Benedict.
“I can’t stay here, I only came to say thanks.” William tried to break free but couldn’t until he pushed Father Benedict and punched him.
Father Benedict began crying but attempted to keep William by chasing him and calling William’s name.
As William ran out the church into the cold rainy night, Father Benedict fell on his knees in the front of the church and yelled, “William, come back! This is the house of God; this is the house of God! You are God! This is your home! William! This is the house of God…”
Father Benedict made his way to the wine and sat in the chair he sat on every Sunday during mass. He poured the wine all over his mouth as it spilled on him and the floor. He began to mutter in misery as he pulled a dagger to his neck.
William made his way to his home as he calmed down he looked out the window into the gray night sky that hung over the city. Pollution and city lights eclipsed the moon and stars but tonight they were clear even if it was just William’s imagination. He lay on his bed silently as lonely as the city. An encyclopedia lay on the floor of his mind and he knew he had to bind the pages together.
Father Benedict’s flesh hung out of his neck greeting the wine that had spilled. His last words were, “Deity was a fantasy, and God was here but left me sitting in my own reliquary. Heaven’s spew its wine at me and now I prepare to dine.”
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Life.Currently.
I woke up on my friends hardwood floor tonight. i've started old habits but they aren't as pleasing as it used to be but its something to do. My schoolwork is good. I'm currently watching the real housewives of orange county and i'm amused by the intelligence level of other individuals. Hit me.
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Cities. Homes. Bullshit.
I thought it'd be nice to wake up listening to Explosions In The Sky. I was right. My morning progressed into a shower which then somehow got me to school. How does the system of events occuring and passing work? I don't even know. English class was pretty boring but luckily the annoying girl that sits in front of me wasn't there. We had a rally at school which means nuitrition was 25 minutes instead of the regular 15. My friend had a very nice thing. I had some. The world came together like the communion of a purple sky. I made my way to class, everything seemed like its own still life yet it was passing so quick. A world on a tredmill. Tranquillity in a erosion. Enough with senseless bullshit. My forensics class was very very good but not academically. Yet, the time came and my feeling was gone and down. The rest of the school day seemed like such a drag. During my time at school, my plans for later in the day fell through. I'm apathetic about it for the most part, but it would've been nice. My two hours spent at my house were empty, a usual phase in my lifetime. Kyle and Melinda came over around 5 and we made a journey to newport to retrieve Kyle's iPod. Just spending time with such amazing people is worth life's bullshit. I came home and started thinking about stuff. I really want to go to Mexico and spend a week there. I just want to connect with my roots to my seed. Plant new ideas in my head. Maybe one day they can be trees. I want to ride a bike around and see the work of the Aztec's in Mexico City, then go down south to see the work of the Mayans. It all seems so beautiful and amazing. Maybe thats my home.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Career Options: 1) Tobacco Co. Executive 2) Abortion Clinic Doctor
Waking up today was no different than other school days. This can be both a good thing and bad thing. On the plus side, nothing bad happens. On the bad side, days just become unnoticable and you fall in a pattern. Today was yet another mininium day at school which affected my off period and made me leave the house earlier. Once at school my thinking was in a different state which made my day pass by. Like words coming out a mouth, gone soon was my day at school. I made my route home to change clothes and hang out with some friends. Laughs and smiles were present and we drove to hunigton and back to the home area. There isn't much to say about today. Well, my mom is at open house and I'm a little nervous about that because I don't want to get in trouble and don't know if I will and for what. Apparently she's upset because my brother and I didn't go with her but we aren't even suppose to. I hope my plans for tomorrow go through.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Rockerfeller Vacation To New Guinea
Damn, I havn't been keeping up the past two or three days. I began sunday morning by posting on this site. My mom then picked me up and I went home. At home I basically just sat around all day and did a project for my history class. Each student in the class was assigned an amendment and had to create a model of something the amendment protects or violates. I was assigned to do the 5th amendment - Due Process of Law. My model is about police brutality which abuses our 5th amendment. Police brutality is an on going problem in our society. It makes me sick because some piece of shit takes the laws into their own hand and puts themselves above another person. Just because you have a badge and high school education doesn't mean you get to beat on who ever. Most of these cases are linked to the racism, another problem that still exist. This was my model
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z135/gruffd00d/copshateme.jpg
At 8 I moved to my living room to watch the Rock of Love Season Finale. The show was so over the top ridiculous. I know it was a really bad show, I watched it for the pure insanity. Jess won and the stripper lose. How does she feel now since she got "Brett" tattooed on her neck. Class A dumbass. Hahaha. Anyways, Sundays are usually my lazy days. I usually don't do much if at all anything and nothing ever sticks out. WEll this Sunday something stuck out. I started conversing with a cute girl. Thats always nice and I find her to be really interesting and genuine. It'd be nice if she noticed soon that I'm not a douche like most guys. I think a majority of the population, male or female, are shitheads.
Monday soon transitioned into my life. I woke up and to my pleasure did not have a morning class. I decided to take advantage of the situation and smoked a few bowls before going to school. When I arrived at school I was still pretty high and found out I had to take an Algebra II test. I took it, still high, but it was pretty easy which is a good thing. I think I got an A on the test. I'm really trying to do well in school this year, I don't want to have to go through shit because of some stupid ass grades. I'd rather just do my work and avoid that whole mess. My day went on, I made my normal rotation from class to class. There are times wheremy days begin to blend together and I can't tell the difference between them. Welcome to life. I presented my police brutality model that day in history class and got positive feedback and it made the class think, something most people really don't do. I came home and continued my normal weekday afternoon cycle. Once again, nothing really stuck out except for a really good conversation. I hope more of those come my way because they really do make me happy. It'd be sad to be so bitter all the time, I really want to find joy.
I woke up this morning at my usual time. I don't understand time sometimes. In the first place it doesn't exist. Anything can be anytime. I'd like to go by my own time sometime. Then again if I did that I'd be of no use to our society and something would have to be done about me. "It's the way things are". Today was a mininium day at school and the day flowed by pretty well. My classes seem so pointless I don't really remember exactly what I did. But, I do remember that in Psychology we had to discuss animal testing. I said my opinions that oppess the action. Sometimes it feels as if I should just give up on the rest of humanity. Ignorance seems to be a very common trait in many. My classmates used the argument that humans are of "higher value" than animals which I find complete bullshit. Theres no fucking universal rule that says such a thing. If you want to play that game then look at our problems. Who caused global warming? Humans. Who causes every war? Humans. Who created nuclear weapons? Humans. Who kill in the name of false idols? Humans. Who show signs of greed and corruption through the capitalist system? Humans. Higher value, huh? I don't believe humans are evil are bad or born with sin. I think humans are born nuetral and later their enviroment influences their virtues. Such systems like capitalism and organized religion create bad virtues that will have humanity bring itself down. My day went on and up until one point I had something to look forward to but plans fell through. I'm not upset at the person nor blame them, I just look forward to the current plans set. I spent most of my afternoon pretending to do homework. I'm pretty sure I don't have any and thats pretty much a relief. My life seems to be looking up at the moment. I'm really beginning to feel a great amount of nostalgia. I miss being in a band even if mine was shitty. I just want to play shows and have shit together. I'm going to start a grind band up with two(?) friends of mine. In your face. In my way. Fuck you. That type of shit. My brother smoked me out once again today. I've noticed that a lot of my post have something to do with weed. I'm going to stop mentioning it. The fact of whether or not I do it or don't will be oblivious for the most part unless it was a big part of the story of my day. I've been watching a lot of atheist videos lately. I enjoy getting in debates about religion. I find religion to be nothing but a tool to control and something people believe in to feel comfortable and safe. I personally don't care about an individual's belief but people of "faith" always flaunt their beliefs and display their crosses, stars of david and what not that I feel if they act that way they can't tell me anything about how I'm up front about my beliefs. Sometimes I get the "well thats your opinion" thing. Well if you truly believe in something than you wouldn't call it an "opinion" but rather a reality. Its pretty much a sign of weakness if you regard something that you supposedly believe in so much as only an "opinion". I think what I beleive is the truth and reality so I am going to present it that way. Nevertheless, I don't hold anyone's value above someone elses' for whatever reason may it be beliefs, values, ect. I can't wait until a specific plan happens. Apparently my dog is a gremlin.
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z135/gruffd00d/copshateme.jpg
At 8 I moved to my living room to watch the Rock of Love Season Finale. The show was so over the top ridiculous. I know it was a really bad show, I watched it for the pure insanity. Jess won and the stripper lose. How does she feel now since she got "Brett" tattooed on her neck. Class A dumbass. Hahaha. Anyways, Sundays are usually my lazy days. I usually don't do much if at all anything and nothing ever sticks out. WEll this Sunday something stuck out. I started conversing with a cute girl. Thats always nice and I find her to be really interesting and genuine. It'd be nice if she noticed soon that I'm not a douche like most guys. I think a majority of the population, male or female, are shitheads.
Monday soon transitioned into my life. I woke up and to my pleasure did not have a morning class. I decided to take advantage of the situation and smoked a few bowls before going to school. When I arrived at school I was still pretty high and found out I had to take an Algebra II test. I took it, still high, but it was pretty easy which is a good thing. I think I got an A on the test. I'm really trying to do well in school this year, I don't want to have to go through shit because of some stupid ass grades. I'd rather just do my work and avoid that whole mess. My day went on, I made my normal rotation from class to class. There are times wheremy days begin to blend together and I can't tell the difference between them. Welcome to life. I presented my police brutality model that day in history class and got positive feedback and it made the class think, something most people really don't do. I came home and continued my normal weekday afternoon cycle. Once again, nothing really stuck out except for a really good conversation. I hope more of those come my way because they really do make me happy. It'd be sad to be so bitter all the time, I really want to find joy.
I woke up this morning at my usual time. I don't understand time sometimes. In the first place it doesn't exist. Anything can be anytime. I'd like to go by my own time sometime. Then again if I did that I'd be of no use to our society and something would have to be done about me. "It's the way things are". Today was a mininium day at school and the day flowed by pretty well. My classes seem so pointless I don't really remember exactly what I did. But, I do remember that in Psychology we had to discuss animal testing. I said my opinions that oppess the action. Sometimes it feels as if I should just give up on the rest of humanity. Ignorance seems to be a very common trait in many. My classmates used the argument that humans are of "higher value" than animals which I find complete bullshit. Theres no fucking universal rule that says such a thing. If you want to play that game then look at our problems. Who caused global warming? Humans. Who causes every war? Humans. Who created nuclear weapons? Humans. Who kill in the name of false idols? Humans. Who show signs of greed and corruption through the capitalist system? Humans. Higher value, huh? I don't believe humans are evil are bad or born with sin. I think humans are born nuetral and later their enviroment influences their virtues. Such systems like capitalism and organized religion create bad virtues that will have humanity bring itself down. My day went on and up until one point I had something to look forward to but plans fell through. I'm not upset at the person nor blame them, I just look forward to the current plans set. I spent most of my afternoon pretending to do homework. I'm pretty sure I don't have any and thats pretty much a relief. My life seems to be looking up at the moment. I'm really beginning to feel a great amount of nostalgia. I miss being in a band even if mine was shitty. I just want to play shows and have shit together. I'm going to start a grind band up with two(?) friends of mine. In your face. In my way. Fuck you. That type of shit. My brother smoked me out once again today. I've noticed that a lot of my post have something to do with weed. I'm going to stop mentioning it. The fact of whether or not I do it or don't will be oblivious for the most part unless it was a big part of the story of my day. I've been watching a lot of atheist videos lately. I enjoy getting in debates about religion. I find religion to be nothing but a tool to control and something people believe in to feel comfortable and safe. I personally don't care about an individual's belief but people of "faith" always flaunt their beliefs and display their crosses, stars of david and what not that I feel if they act that way they can't tell me anything about how I'm up front about my beliefs. Sometimes I get the "well thats your opinion" thing. Well if you truly believe in something than you wouldn't call it an "opinion" but rather a reality. Its pretty much a sign of weakness if you regard something that you supposedly believe in so much as only an "opinion". I think what I beleive is the truth and reality so I am going to present it that way. Nevertheless, I don't hold anyone's value above someone elses' for whatever reason may it be beliefs, values, ect. I can't wait until a specific plan happens. Apparently my dog is a gremlin.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Too Busy To Come Down From The Sky
Saturday was one of the coolest moments of my life. I woke up around 10 which was really nice. I proceeded to do chores and my mom came home from the salon. Chores on Saturday are a normal thing to me. I don't mind doing them or complain because I like keeping a nice clean house. Its a good habit to keep for later in life. While I was doing chores I was on the on the computer talking to Kyle about things to do for the day. He came up with the idea to take the metro to Hollywood, an adventure was exactly what I needed. Soon enough I was done with chores, got ready, and got picked up by Kyle. We went to his house to meet up with his girlfriend Melinda. The three of us went to the Del Amo metro station. I guess our train got there so Kyle got into it and as I was going in the door close and the train blew off. Kyle was stuck on train by himself and I had no idea what the fuck just happened. Melinda and I got a hold of him on the phone and established a plan to just wait for him to come back to the station. When the three of us finally got on the train together I was pretty excited to go to Hollywood. We had to off in a stop in Compton and ride a bus to the next one because of ongoing construction. Once we got back on the train route this homeless guy was going around the train and made his move to the front of the cart. With his lispy voice he asked the passengers if he can make a loan for $22,000.71 and he'd pay it back on Saturday. He continued talking and apologized to some passengers he stepped on and said that he couldn't see and while saying this he starts moving his hand to his eyes and takes out a glass eyeball. Only in LA. Just the ride to Hollywood was fun and provided us with time for good conversations.
We got off on Hollywood Blvd. and started walking to the record store so that Kyle can look for some records. On the walk I had to take a piss and asked a restaurants if I can use theirs, they gave me a key and said it was in the up stair section of the small commercial center. I looked for it but didn't find it so I just took my water bottle in the corner and took a piss in front of a dance studio. Our walk set back into game after this and when we got there we all browsed through some cool records. Kyle bought a Chromatics EP and Love In the Fascist Brothel by The Plot To Blow Up The Eiffel Tower. Hunger was present in our bodies so we walked to find an In-N-Out which was a failed mission. I'm glad we walked though, it provided us with the feel for adventure and thats great. We went back to Hollywood Blvd. and passed some interesting stores until we made it to a Pizzeria. The pizza was delicious and filling.
Soon enough we made our way back to the metro towards Long Beach. The whole trip was such a wonderful experience. Despite the good times strolling through the cities just strengthened my view on the unbalanced division of wealth. Once back in Long Beach Melinda had to go home because of her curfew even though shes 18. Kyle heard of a "party" that was going on at his friend's house. We rolled there just to find a small circle of people. It was bumping at all. We left after a while and dropped our friend. At Kyle's house the two of us rolled a blunt and went out to smoke it. Uplifting sensations went through my head. I spent the night at Kyle's, where I am right now. Looking back, Saturday was the perfect day. I'll post pictures when I get them.
We got off on Hollywood Blvd. and started walking to the record store so that Kyle can look for some records. On the walk I had to take a piss and asked a restaurants if I can use theirs, they gave me a key and said it was in the up stair section of the small commercial center. I looked for it but didn't find it so I just took my water bottle in the corner and took a piss in front of a dance studio. Our walk set back into game after this and when we got there we all browsed through some cool records. Kyle bought a Chromatics EP and Love In the Fascist Brothel by The Plot To Blow Up The Eiffel Tower. Hunger was present in our bodies so we walked to find an In-N-Out which was a failed mission. I'm glad we walked though, it provided us with the feel for adventure and thats great. We went back to Hollywood Blvd. and passed some interesting stores until we made it to a Pizzeria. The pizza was delicious and filling.
Soon enough we made our way back to the metro towards Long Beach. The whole trip was such a wonderful experience. Despite the good times strolling through the cities just strengthened my view on the unbalanced division of wealth. Once back in Long Beach Melinda had to go home because of her curfew even though shes 18. Kyle heard of a "party" that was going on at his friend's house. We rolled there just to find a small circle of people. It was bumping at all. We left after a while and dropped our friend. At Kyle's house the two of us rolled a blunt and went out to smoke it. Uplifting sensations went through my head. I spent the night at Kyle's, where I am right now. Looking back, Saturday was the perfect day. I'll post pictures when I get them.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Edge 4 Lyf3
I woke up almost 19 hours ago just to follow my regular routine. The relief that it was finally friday was enough motivation to go through the first part of my day. School didn't seem so bad today, it went by pretty fast which was nice. After my first period class, I bought a dub from my friend which turned out to be a really good deal and has me set for the weekend. I was a little hesitant to go around school possessing the sack even though I've done it many many times. In my next class the school annoucments went on and there was one regarding a "Ronald Reagan - Republican Club". Upon hearing it I questioned who were the ignorant pieces of shit in charge of that. I wrote down the day and room of the club so that my friends and I can pay a visit. After we go to that club I'm going to start a Socialist Club. Soon enough is was lunch and I made it out to the quad to find that KISS FM was at my school. It made me feel so fucking sick. The whole school was around the stage as if it was the most important thing ever to hit the earth. People just fucking get to me at times and this was one of those times. I don't even like talking about the rest of the day because it was so pointless.
My night was really good. I went over to a friend's where we smoked some weed and I got pretty high, something I always enjoy. I don't really have much to say. I had a good time and I am not listening to music. I still feel alone and which I could just meet someone. Maybe they don't exist and I'm just a fool. Fuck.
My night was really good. I went over to a friend's where we smoked some weed and I got pretty high, something I always enjoy. I don't really have much to say. I had a good time and I am not listening to music. I still feel alone and which I could just meet someone. Maybe they don't exist and I'm just a fool. Fuck.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
The Moon Is Our Anthem
There times that I lay in my bed dreaming and all of a sudden this alarm starts going off in my dream. I am to the point where the process of the alarm is a part of the composition of my brain and I wake up next to my alarm clock about to turn it off. Today followed that routine. I spent my morning on the computer before getting ready for school. I didn't have a morning class today and my mom drove me to school which was really nice because when I don't have morning classes I have to take the bus. My mom and I spent the ride to school debating certain issues and events. I kind of think my mom is ignorant when it comes to these things. She makes sure to put her politics right in the center and many times gives me bullshit responses. We were debating the president of Iran's visit. I don't view it as a bad thing at all and don't see what would be so bad about him going to ground zero. Iran had nothing to do with the attacks and he's a head of state which means he wouldn't blow himself up or carry a terrorist act himself. I find it ironic that our government is so hostile towards Iran. 1) We always talk about democracy in Iraq and what not, yet we denounce Iran which is the only middle eastern democracy (besides Israel). The people of Iran chose him as their leader. The United States should change its goal of "Spreading And Supporting Democracy" to "Spreading And Supporting Democracy (as long as the country is our bitch)". 2) How can you tell a country that they can't have nuclear weapons when you hold the biggest stock of nuclear weapons in the world? I'm not justifying Iran's desire for nuclear weapons, I believe no one should have nuclear weapons. We should disarm ours to set an example. Of course they're going to get nukes when we have them and they feel threatened.
My day at school was short because of a mini-day schedule which was really nice. Algebra II is always the same bullshit. I don't understand the necessity of the class. I'm sure I won't have a career in math and I'm never going to want to figure out functions while grocery shopping. The memoir I did was due today in creative writing. We had to get in groups of four so that our classmates can review of piece of writings and write feedback. Initially I was a little bothered by this and I hoped I wouldn't be stuck in a group of douches. The group I was assigned luckily contained no douche bags. I just wouldn't feel comfortable with one of the average wilson kids reading it because I know they wouldn't "get it" and I didn't want to have to put up with their bullshit. I got mostly positive feedback but my friend Stan told me to cut down the middle which I'll try doing. In history class we had to do a group poster project and present it. My group was assigned "the market revolution" which was the beginning of the abuse on the workers in this country. I had a lot of control over the project and made sure that my views were made through out the poster and presentation. When it was time to present one group did a poster on "The Mexican American War" and talked about how it was good that we took all the terrority we did because it created unity. I immediatly rose my hand and attested that as bullshit. The war was an act of Imperialism on the part of The United States. Our government robbed the rich land from Mexico and kicked off all the Mexicans from their land. If you look at why Mexico is so bad you can trace some of the roots to this. The abuse of the latinos took place there and still takes place today and thats a fucking tragedy. The companies of the First World come into Latin American countries and rob the people of their resources, make them work on their knees, take away their land, destroy their way of life, and corrupt their governments. Then when the people try to escape and make a better life we close the doors. The United States controls their destiny and our goverment has chosen them to remain in chains of oppression. And when a leader of the people such as Hugo Chavez rises up in defense of the people of Latin America, our government does not allow it. But I see a beautiful thing coming up. I believe with Hugo Chavez, Latin America will finally rise up against its oppressor The United States and other First World countries. You see the theory found in The Communist Manifesto of the lower class overthrowing the corperations and the rich has evolved from a regional level to a global level. The small countries of the world will rise up against the big ones and overthrow them. This world revolution is inevitable and so great.
I took my usual journey on the bus home. Once at home, I noticed that my brother smelled like weed and I asked how much he had. Soon enough we were in the backyard smoking. I managed to get pretty high and made my way inside to listen to music which is always very interesting while high. Around 3:30 Kyle called me and we decided on hanging out. Hanging out with Kyle is always really cool, we can make any situation fun and entertaining. We did this thing at the lakewood mall called "People Watching" which basically is just observing the ridiculousness of the majority of people and making comments about it and at times saying stuff to the people. I came back home around 7:30 and did homework. I guess my mom went to disneyland with another family after dropping me off at school. She came home around 9:30 with In-N-Out for my brother and me. My day has progressed into an ending. I recommend listening to the song "Blaise Bailey Finnegan III" by Godspeed You! Black Emperor. They use this sound clip in it that pairs so beautifully with the music. The clip brings up great points and the music can be felt just as strongly. I saw a cute girl today, she won't read this. I'm pretty much looking forward to tomorrow which is friday and always seems like fun. I'm considering buying a dub which looks is always fun as well. I spend times wondering if I am really awake. There are times when I question if life is a processed fixation of my imagination. Everything moves so quickly but at the same time slow. Traffic, the city, our own lives can all be lost in the sun and there'd never be any way to know where we stand. Do you really exist? Do I really exist? Is existence only a subsitute for an object in a dream? Is there a realm where our uncounscious thouths realm and wonder on their own? I really like my dog and the gestures he makes; I'm sure he knows all the answers.
My day at school was short because of a mini-day schedule which was really nice. Algebra II is always the same bullshit. I don't understand the necessity of the class. I'm sure I won't have a career in math and I'm never going to want to figure out functions while grocery shopping. The memoir I did was due today in creative writing. We had to get in groups of four so that our classmates can review of piece of writings and write feedback. Initially I was a little bothered by this and I hoped I wouldn't be stuck in a group of douches. The group I was assigned luckily contained no douche bags. I just wouldn't feel comfortable with one of the average wilson kids reading it because I know they wouldn't "get it" and I didn't want to have to put up with their bullshit. I got mostly positive feedback but my friend Stan told me to cut down the middle which I'll try doing. In history class we had to do a group poster project and present it. My group was assigned "the market revolution" which was the beginning of the abuse on the workers in this country. I had a lot of control over the project and made sure that my views were made through out the poster and presentation. When it was time to present one group did a poster on "The Mexican American War" and talked about how it was good that we took all the terrority we did because it created unity. I immediatly rose my hand and attested that as bullshit. The war was an act of Imperialism on the part of The United States. Our government robbed the rich land from Mexico and kicked off all the Mexicans from their land. If you look at why Mexico is so bad you can trace some of the roots to this. The abuse of the latinos took place there and still takes place today and thats a fucking tragedy. The companies of the First World come into Latin American countries and rob the people of their resources, make them work on their knees, take away their land, destroy their way of life, and corrupt their governments. Then when the people try to escape and make a better life we close the doors. The United States controls their destiny and our goverment has chosen them to remain in chains of oppression. And when a leader of the people such as Hugo Chavez rises up in defense of the people of Latin America, our government does not allow it. But I see a beautiful thing coming up. I believe with Hugo Chavez, Latin America will finally rise up against its oppressor The United States and other First World countries. You see the theory found in The Communist Manifesto of the lower class overthrowing the corperations and the rich has evolved from a regional level to a global level. The small countries of the world will rise up against the big ones and overthrow them. This world revolution is inevitable and so great.
I took my usual journey on the bus home. Once at home, I noticed that my brother smelled like weed and I asked how much he had. Soon enough we were in the backyard smoking. I managed to get pretty high and made my way inside to listen to music which is always very interesting while high. Around 3:30 Kyle called me and we decided on hanging out. Hanging out with Kyle is always really cool, we can make any situation fun and entertaining. We did this thing at the lakewood mall called "People Watching" which basically is just observing the ridiculousness of the majority of people and making comments about it and at times saying stuff to the people. I came back home around 7:30 and did homework. I guess my mom went to disneyland with another family after dropping me off at school. She came home around 9:30 with In-N-Out for my brother and me. My day has progressed into an ending. I recommend listening to the song "Blaise Bailey Finnegan III" by Godspeed You! Black Emperor. They use this sound clip in it that pairs so beautifully with the music. The clip brings up great points and the music can be felt just as strongly. I saw a cute girl today, she won't read this. I'm pretty much looking forward to tomorrow which is friday and always seems like fun. I'm considering buying a dub which looks is always fun as well. I spend times wondering if I am really awake. There are times when I question if life is a processed fixation of my imagination. Everything moves so quickly but at the same time slow. Traffic, the city, our own lives can all be lost in the sun and there'd never be any way to know where we stand. Do you really exist? Do I really exist? Is existence only a subsitute for an object in a dream? Is there a realm where our uncounscious thouths realm and wonder on their own? I really like my dog and the gestures he makes; I'm sure he knows all the answers.
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